Tag Archive for: Workplace

two people siting showing empathy to each other

Empathy: Understanding and connecting in a neurodiverse world

Empathy is the ability to understand and share your feelings with others. This skill is critical in navigating social situations and can often help you build meaningful connections with other people, but for some people with neurodivergent traits, this can be tricky.

I want to explore the three main types of empathy, cognitive, emotional, and compassionate. We’ll look at each type and see how it can be relevant to neurodivergent conditions. I’ll also give you tips for strengthening your skills so you can operate successfully in what is often a neurotypical world.

Cognitive Empathy: seeing the world through different lenses

Cognitive empathy is our ability to understand someone else’s perspective, even if they don’t have the same experiences as we do. This is especially helpful when trying to understand another person’s perspective. For instance, whether we’re working with a difficult team member or a stakeholder from another part of your organisation, it can be challenging to navigate if you don’t grasp the underlying motivations behind their behaviour.

For some people who have neurodivergent traits, this is incredibly challenging.

So here are tips that can be useful in strengthening cognitive empathy.

  • Ask open-ended questions, encouraging people to share their thoughts and feelings.
  • Try and notice what’s going on and get inquisitive about it.
  • If in doubt, ask, but do it from a place of genuine interest.

Emotional Empathy: sharing someone’s feelings

Emotional empathy is effectively sharing someone else’s feelings. This can be a powerful tool to build connections and foster good relationships. This can be challenging for individuals if they don’t know what those feelings are. For some individuals with neurodivergent traits, emotions can be completely overwhelming. Recognising that we may not be able to be emotionally empathetic in the traditional way is helpful, but that doesn’t mean you can’t explore what might help others and ask what’s going on and how you can support them in what they’re experiencing.

Tips for managing emotional empathy

  • Knowing your limits and encouraging others to notice theirs, such as taking breaks from emotionally charged situations,.
  • Set boundaries, let people know when you need space, and make it clear that they should let you know when they need space.
  • Practice self-care, creating enough space to recharge and be your most effective self at work.
  • Being conscious of masking. We all mask to a certain extent, but those masks are big and heavy for some individuals. It’s essential to recognise when you’re wearing a mask and to be mindful of what that feels like in your working environment.

Compassionate Empathy: understanding, feeling, and taking action

Compassionate empathy combines cognitive empathy and emotional empathy with a desire to help. It’s often framed as the ability to understand what’s going on through noticing feelings and reactions and then taking actions to support the individual presenting before us. Compassionate empathy can be a valuable tool for anyone who wants to build strong relationships and positively impact the world, but this can sometimes be very challenging, especially if you cannot detect or work effectively with other types of empathy. This can be particularly challenging for neurodivergent individuals, but that does not mean that individuals who have neurodivergent conditions do not care or do not want the very best for the other person. Working out the most effective way to support and care for someone is often the game changer between effective working relationships and those that fall flat on their face.

Tips for developing compassion (it’s often the simple things that make all the difference).

  • Validate other’s experiences by letting them know that their feelings are valid.
  • Offer support that can be accepted or rejected and that you’re happy with either way.
  • Make sure that when you take action to help, you do it in partnership. Even small gestures can make a huge difference. It can be the difference between someone feeling unseen to feeling seen, heard and felt.

The Neurodiverse world

Here are some insights on what can help achieve empathy at work.

  • Be patient with yourself. Developing empathy takes time and practice. What’s important is that it’s a lifelong lesson but one that is well worth the investment.
  • Communicate your needs. It is often useful to let others know what you prefer and what you find difficult, and this can be one of the key building blocks of good communication.
  • Find your tribe. Connect with others who have had experiences similar to yours. I would also add that different people add as much value to your tribe as those who are the same, otherwise you run the risk of operating in an echo chamber where nothing changes and no new ideas are formed.
  • Celebrate what’s great. Neurodivergent conditions have strengths and challenges, and you must recognise those strengths. In my experience, people are often aware of what they struggle with but often unaware of what they’re great at.

Empathy can be seen as a complex skill, and it is even more challenging for neurodivergent individuals. Although this isn’t an exhaustive list of the different types of empathy, hopefully, it gets you thinking about how empathy turns up and how useful it can be with your connections. I think it’s essential to challenge some of the stereotypes about how empathy is presented and make it okay to experiment and work out the best way to be empathetic within your working environment. Understanding how empathy occurs for different individuals in different spaces is essential and is often the cornerstone of creating effective neuroinclusive communities.

If you need to know more?

Please feel free to get in contact to find out how to start a conversation about this in your organisation

Picture of a clipboard

Getting interview ready: empowering neurodivergent job seekers

By Sophie Whitbread, Managing Associate, Employment, Penningtons Manches Cooper LLP

A BBC News article caught my attention recently. It highlights the difficulties faced by an autistic man who is trying to return to the workplace but struggling to do so. He has encountered stumbling blocks when seeking changes to arrangements for making applications for jobs to accommodate his autism. For him, some simple changes to the application process, including having tick-box options on application forms instead of free-form text boxes, and the ability to see interview questions in advance, are adjustments that would help him to succeed when applying for roles. His story shows that many employers are unwilling to make adjustments to application and interview arrangements, which is holding back potential candidates from work.

This is backed up by the findings of the Buckland Review of Autism Employment, published in February 2024. This review found that around one third of autistic employees felt unable to discuss their adjustment needs at all. Of those who did request adjustments, over a quarter were refused.

Whilst the BBC article and the Buckland Review relate to those with autism, these difficulties are faced by neurodivergent applicants across the board.

The law

Disabled applicants are protected by the Equality Act 2010, which requires employers to make reasonable adjustments for them where an aspect of the application process puts them at a substantial disadvantage. However, it is clear that this is far from what happens in practice in every case.

Getting the adjustments you need

As highlighted by the Buckland Review, many disabled people will not mention their need for adjustments. This may be because they feel they can – or ought to be able to – manage without. Sadly, it may also be because they fear, rightly or wrongly, that the employer will react negatively if asked to make adjustments.

Here are some tips on how to put yourself in the best position when making job applications:

1. Be really clear about your disability and your need for adjustments

The duty to make reasonable adjustments only kicks in when the employer knows or ought to have known about an applicant’s disability. It is therefore vital that applicants are upfront about the fact that they are disabled. This is particularly important with neurodivergent conditions where the impact of the disability may not be immediately obvious.

2. Be clear and specific about the impact of your disability and the adjustments that would help you

If an employer is to make a meaningful adjustment, they need to understand what the impact of your disability is, what the proposed adjustment is and how it will alleviate that impact. Again, if they do not know this, and they ought not reasonably to have worked it out for themselves, there is no obligation to make an adjustment.

Compare two unsuccessful disabled applicants whose cases recently went to the employment tribunal.  Mr Mallon was required to complete a short online application form to apply for a role. He asked instead that, because of his dyspraxia, he be allowed to make an oral application and provided some information to the employer about how dyspraxia affects people generally. The employer refused to do this and Mr Mallon brought a claim in the employment tribunal. The tribunal found that it would have been reasonable for the employer to pick up the phone to try to help Mr Mallon in progressing his application. What Mr Mallon particularly struggled with was being able to set up a username and password to access the form. The tribunal found that the employer could have talked this through with him if they had agreed to speak to him by phone.

Mr Glasson, on the other hand, did not go far enough in explaining to a potential employer what the impact of his disability was. Mr Glasson has a stammer and, prior to an oral interview for a job, he told the employer that he needed more time to complete his answers. However, what he did not tell them was that, in addition to this, his stammer meant that he would go into what he described as ‘restrictive mode’ when answering questions, giving shorter answers to some questions than he otherwise might, as a way of avoiding stammering. Although Mr Glasson performed well at his interview, he scored one point behind the second most successful candidate. He brought a disability discrimination claim in the tribunal but was unsuccessful. This was because he could not show that the employer knew of the impact of his stammer on the length of his answers, only that he might need more time to complete them. We do not know what would have happened if the employer had been aware of this. It may have made no difference at all, but Mr Glasson did not put himself in the best position he could have done in advance of that interview.

3. Plan ahead

We can all find it hard to think on our feet, and those with neurodivergent conditions may find it more difficult to respond in the moment to a question about the need for reasonable adjustments. Do therefore spend time thinking about what it is that you find difficult and what helps to alleviate that. Look carefully at application interview information and ask questions about the format so that you know what to expect. Before you even apply for jobs, sit down and – ask for help if you need it – try to think of the different scenarios you might find yourself in and the effect they may have on you.

Whilst employers may be expected to have some general knowledge about a particular condition, disabilities affect everyone differently. For example, the autistic applicant highlighted in the BBC News report above says that he finds tick boxes easier to complete rather than free-form questions on an application form. By contrast, another autistic job applicant succeeded in an employment tribunal case because they had not been allowed to provide short written answers as an alternative to a multiple choice question. Everyone’s disability and the impact it has on them is therefore different and it is really important that you spend time thinking about your own personal situation.

Some people find the Health Adjustment Passport (HAP)  helpful as a way of thinking about their disability and how it affects them, both at the application stage and more generally in the workplace.

If you have not had an Access to Work assessment, you could apply for one to see what support you could get in applying for jobs.

4. Set out your needs in writing

Try to draw up a clear written record (using a HAP or not, to suit you) of the adjustments you need and why you need them. Get some help putting this together if you need to. It will act as a useful reminder for you of what you need as well as being something you could send to a potential employer. If all goes wrong and you find yourself in an employment tribunal, it is something you can rely on as evidence that you have communicated clearly about your disability to the prospective employer.

Note to employers

It can be daunting as an employer faced with prospective employees with a whole range of different disabilities, including neurodivergent conditions. The easiest approach can be simply to apply your normal procedures and hope everyone can get on with them. By doing this, you put yourself at risk of employment tribunal claims from disabled employees where you have failed to make reasonable adjustments. Arguably more importantly, however, you not only deprive those individuals of the possibility of working for you, but you deprive your business of the potential that they may bring to it.

There is no substitute for open and honest communication when it comes to talking about reasonable adjustments. You do not have to be an expert on every disability. The most important thing you can do is to listen and take seriously the concerns of disabled applicants. Keep an open mind as to the changes you can make to your application process to facilitate a wider pool of applicants. You then may be surprised by the positive impact this has on your business going forward.

broken window to illustrate Capacity

Capacity and neurodiversity

Our capacity to manage and thrive with neurodivergent traits is vital, and this is often the difference between being able to lean into our strengths and being overwhelmed by what we find difficult.

I’ve noticed lately the impact that capacity can have on our ability to move forward, especially when dealing with particular stressors or situations that challenge change.

Picture of a window with arrows to show how this window is opened and closed based on the amount of dysregulation we are experiencing

The Stress window

Looking at this from an ADHD perspective, if your emotions are high, your capacity can be removed or decreased significantly, meaning you can’t move forward. Similarly, this can have the same impact if you’re sad or uninspired. Getting the systems and processes in place to support good capacity is essential. These might look like some of the examples below:

Controlling negative thoughts

This sounds much easier than it is and is about your self-talk; for example, if you tell yourself, “I’m going to fail, I can never do much of anything, or I’m useless”. This attitude and the language that you use can impact your stress. Switching from “I’m going to fail” to “I’m going to give this my best shot” can shift your focus and allow you to move forward effectively.

To freeze, flee or fight?

It’s the old amygdala hijacking when our essential primitive brain kicks in and takes over how our bodies respond. Now, this part of our brain is brilliant. When we’re in an emergency, we must decide rapidly, but sometimes, this can kick in at the wrong time. When we feel overwhelmed, we have choices about what we can do. This can also be a call to procrastinate because our amygdala overrides our willpower, which decides how we will respond next. Relaxing and moving away from this can be helpful.

Stop the stress

Noticing when you’re getting stressed can be helpful. By removing or moving away from stress, you can make decisions that effectively override your amygdala; for example, tapping and affirmative statements can be helpful. Also, removing yourself from the situation for a short period can be hugely beneficial, as it will allow you to take a step back to gain perspective and work out what to do next.

Keeping it simple

Often, when approaching tasks and activities, you can overcomplicate what you need to do; for example, you might have a ton of tasks to complete on your to-do list, which is overwhelming. There’s a good argument for recording what needs to be done, but is it helpful to keep looking at your to-do list, which can make you feel stressed? Reducing your list’s visibility once compiled may be more effective. Focus on one thing at a time, keeping it simple and moving forward. As a side note, simple is often not easy, so don’t beat yourself up if you’ve decided simple is best.  It’s probably been a long journey to get there!

Make a manageable plan

It’s easy to overcomplicate planning because we can all overthink. This can be debilitating. What is often better is to create a plan for the short term and then work out what to do next. For example, I will do this for thirty minutes and then review my progress. What went well, and what would improve the next thirty minutes? It’s also helpful to do short tasks to get yourself moving forward. It’s like a workout at the gym; start with something easy to warm up before you move on to heavier weights or chunkier tasks. In the same way, it’s a good idea to do some more manageable functions at the end of the day when you’re winding down. Keep your plan simple and treat your body with respect.

Create time to think

For example, if you’re caught in a conversation pressuring you to make a decision you are not confident about, it’s pushing you into a place where you’re feeling overwhelmed. It can often be helpful to acknowledge the importance of what’s going on and then say, “I need to take a moment to think about that”. That way, you create time to make high-quality decisions and help yourself manage any anxiety.

Get some accountability

There are loads of ways to do this. It might be talking to someone you know or a work colleague. Being accountable for what you’re doing, maybe even doing some work together can be helpful when managing stress. It enables you to partner with someone, which is essential because you can manage your stress together. Sometimes, this is called body doubling, but that term sounds strange to me.

Recognise it’s okay not to finish a task in one go

Allowing yourself not to finish a task is OK. I’d go as far as to say it’s a good habit to break tasks into smaller chunks. Then, you can make a start, reflect on your progress and complete the next section, often making the finished product far better. You’ll finish the beginning, the middle, and the end and reap the benefits of three finishes for the price of one.

Make a plan in the diary

If things need to be done and they need to be done at a particular time, why try to hold that information in your short-term memory? Often, this can be a real challenge, so having a diary can help, especially if it’s a recurring event. Then you don’t need to think about it anymore. You need to turn up and follow your diary. When you’re looking at diary management, I would also recommend that you factor in times for reflection and downtime. If you don’t, you can fill every moment without considering your energy levels.

As you can see, there are several steps to manage your capacity. What’s important is to recognise what’s good enough for now. Then, you can determine which step you want to tackle next. You don’t need to do it all in one go, and if you’re working or supporting someone struggling with some of these areas, I’d always encourage you to take it gently and progress one step at a time.

When you’re ready, here are three ways we can connect:

  • Interested in one-on-one coaching? Fill out the contact form, and I’ll get back to you as soon as possible.
  • Subscribe to my monthly newsletter for my latest insights and tools into neurodiversity.
  • Connect with me on LinkedIn to see my latest posts.
Tools for distraction - picture shows a Rubik's cube in a mixed upstate

Tools for distraction that could help you to stay focused?

Staying focused is essential for many of us in our work lives. Tools for distraction can provide a helpful menu of ideas to refocus or have something to look forward to when we need it the most.

Ironically, sometimes, we need a short-term distraction to keep ourselves on task or to help us get back on track when unsure where to go next. In the same way, noise can be a distraction, but getting the right amount and type of background noise can help us stay in the present.

Here are examples of what I’ve found helpful to regroup and refocus. They are simple tools or toys that enable me to stretch and move my thinking in ways that can support me to move forward with the task.

They are the gifts that keep on giving time and time again, I can go back to them when I need to.  These are my gifts to you!

Note of caution

Suppose you use these devices at work, in a meeting, or in a social setting, where people might not know how essential tools for distraction actually help you to stay focused. It’s important to let them know what you’re doing and why; otherwise, they might wrongly assume you’re bored or just being rude.

Transparency notice

Some affiliate links are included in this article for the items listed on Amazon for which I will receive a small percentage of the purchase price. This does not affect the price you pay; I intend to do something good with the funds generated.

IQ Fit Smart Games

IQ Fit make a series of puzzles that can be reused differently. These are often mentally challenging and offer a way to reset my thinking before I move back to the task I was losing focus on.

I’ve particularly enjoyed games that include IQ Fit, IQ Focus, IQ Link, IQ Six Pro, IQ Stars and IQ Twins.

If you would like to find out more about these games, check them out here www.smartgames.eu/uk/collection/pocket-games.

IQ Fit Smart Games for distraction control

Perplexus

Perplexus offers a spherical game that is effectively a ball race and a great tool for distraction control. This demands concentration and a great deal of hand and eye coordination. I found this game particularly challenging but fun over the Christmas period. It’s one I can pick up and put down as it promotes a tremendous amount of interest and conversation in my household – so it serves in different ways! Many other options are available from Perplexus, including themed games such as Star Wars and the Death Star. I’d encourage you to start with this simple option.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Cardinal-Games-6053147-Perplexus-Multicoloured/dp/B07MKCZJNJ/ref=sr_1_2?crid=KYY9YPHGYLJ6&keywords=Perplexus&qid=1704457785&sprefix=perplexus%2Caps%2C102&sr=8-2

Perplexus

Rubik’s Cube

The Rubik’s Cube offers many options in different shapes and sizes. Although the puzzle itself is tricky, it can be solved. There are also great ways to learn how to solve the Rubik’s Cube, like this tutorial from J Perm: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Ron6MN45LY

He talks you through a series of moves step-by-step so you can solve the puzzle. This makes what has felt impossible possible! It’s an ideal distraction and a valuable tool for resetting and working out what you will do next. It’s a familiar game, and within a short period, I can return to the task I was working on.

If you don’t already have a Rubik’s cube, I recommend getting a speed cube as it has a smoother movement and feels good in your hands. I discovered that the one below works well. It’s smooth, fast, and adaptable as you improve, unlike the original Rubik’s cubes, which are typically stiff and difficult to solve quickly.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Roxenda-Stickerless-Gan356-System-Speedcube/dp/B07PKMLM7S/ref=sr_1_21_sspa?crid=2ZHP9JQOJGUW0&keywords=Tunic%2Bcube&qid=1704457813&sprefix=tunic%2Bcube%2Caps%2C81&sr=8-21-spons&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9tdGY&th=1

Rubik’s Cube

Desk-based timer

These days, we have many ways of recording time on our computer or phone or looking at a wall clock, but often, it’s hard to set these up frictionlessly when we need to capture a moment in time or record a specific amount of time.

The Pomodoro timer is one such device that I place on a surface with the corresponding amount of minutes I’d like to measure. It means I can quickly take 15 minutes, for example, to think about my next task. This means my time does not drift. This is particularly important for individuals who find time awareness challenging. It can also help you to assess how long it’s taken to complete a task, which can be helpful when trying to estimate how long tasks take. This device sits outside of all the other technology – it’s not dependent on another device being opened or activated, so you don’t get distracted. If you’re interested in finding out more, check out the device here.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Kitchen-Digital-Magnetic-Countdown-Function/dp/B08KJJXQS4/ref=sr_1_3_sspa?crid=1E3IU2N8KTRS6&keywords=pomodoro%2Btimer&qid=1704458269&sprefix=pomo%2Caps%2C70&sr=8-3-spons&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9hdGY&th=1

Desk-based timer

Seconds app

Sometimes, we need something more than a simple timer; for example, if we have routines or methodologies we want to build and repeat. An excellent example of this is exercise routines.  I’ve been working on a static exercise routine to help my youngest son sleep. What I mean by this is instead of exercises that increase his heart rate, these are exercises that use his strength to make him tired. This seems to be working, but we’ve had to experiment with lots of different exercises to find the ones he likes and make it fun.

The Seconds app provides a great way of structuring these exercises, and now that we know the exercises he likes, I can play them back to him. We include time for a warmup, a rest and repeating time, as well as being able to copy and paste exercises.

It also has features that allow you to incorporate music, the option to share the workout and the ability to see it in the foreground or background of your mobile device. The display has clear colour boundaries showing different items, which is simple yet effective.

I can’t recommend this enough, and at £1.50, it’s a giveaway.

See for yourself: https://www.intervaltimer.com

Seconds app

I hope you have enjoyed my gifts and they help you on your journey into neurodiversity.

Which ideas will you try?

When you are ready, here are three ways we can connect:

Knight defending a castle

Defending boundaries: When RSD (Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria) turns up!

Struggling with boundaries is a reality for many of us, especially as we try to make life better in a world where it’s not always clear how other people perceive us. But with RSD (Retention Sensitivity Dysphoria), it can be even more challenging.

Why our boundaries fall

Our boundaries fall because we don’t put limits in place to defend them and reset when life goes wrong. Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD) is one of the traits that can be dangerous to our boundaries. This turns up with other neurodivergent conditions like ADHD, but it’s also present for all of us in some ways, unless your behaviour looks psychopathic (sorry, Donald Trump).

I’ve seen rejection sensitivity make individuals highly sensitive to the possibility of rejection, meaning they take on tasks that don’t serve them. They want to accommodate the needs of others. This can be incredibly debilitating, and as a result, individuals make poor decisions that don’t serve them well.

Have you planned your schedule by deciding what’s important to you and then changed your plans as you believe it will affect how others perceive you? For example, you might have agreed to write a book and set aside time for it, but you often end up giving that time to other work as you think it’s important to another person. This happens because of your inaccurate perception of what other people think of you.

Sometimes, you can isolate yourself to prevent RSD, so you stop collaborating with the right people. These people will hold you accountable for what you have agreed with yourself. This can sabotage the structure that helps you thrive. There’s incredible power in ‘us’, collaboration and accountability.

Why partnership is important with RSD

The key is a good partnership, where you consciously ask for constructive feedback. If feedback hasn’t been given helpfully, it can shut off that channel, which breaks down the opportunity to partner and puts boundaries in danger. There can be feelings of misunderstanding and a feeling like you don’t fit in. I worked with someone who explained that they felt like an alien when they were at school. They described knowing the answer but often unable to articulate it, which meant they didn’t fully participate. Understanding these feelings of not fitting in is essential, or you can judge yourself too harshly and have an overly negative and inaccurate view of yourself. This can often be useful to explore during a coaching conversation.

How does this turn up?

For instance, there are times when people feel hesitant to share their thoughts because they fear they might sound foolish. This can lead to missed opportunities and frustration at work. It’s crucial to recognise and address this issue by creating organisations that encourage people to bring their best and most effective selves to work.

Self-esteem can play a crucial role, too. How can you defend your boundaries if you don’t love yourself? This is a powerful idea as it might be a hindrance if you define your significance by other people’s approval. Anything that damages that approval can take you to a difficult place.

Is getting to know new people difficult as you define yourself by others’ thoughts about you? In an ideal world, people’s opinions should be their business, not yours, but this can feel like a wrestling match; worrying about what others think can mean you are less of yourself.

For some individuals, this turns up by playing back every conversation and social interaction, going over what’s been said, analysing what went wrong, what the other person thought, and how your words landed.

Have you ever spent time worrying about your conversations and not allowing the communication to sit? This behaviour can often put a lot of pressure on you and ultimately put you in a position where you cannot move forward.

How to start to move the needle on RSD

Helping change your perspective on this can be helpful, and there are various tools you can put in place to support you or anyone in your team to move forward. For example, when in negotiations or trying to understand how best to work with someone, individuals can give up their boundaries entirely because they are more concerned if they’ll be liked, often sacrificing doing what’s best for both parties.

One of my favourite quotes is by Nelson Mandela: “Do not judge me by my success; judge me by how many times I fell and got back up again.” How will you respond when boundaries fail? Will you run from them, or will you return and rebuild them?

Maintaining boundaries with RSD

You can maintain your boundaries and handle RSD by using strategies and being accountable for your actions. Start by having a conversation with yourself about recent events, identify which boundaries were crossed, and figure out how to adjust them moving forward. Establish accountability structures to stay aware of the situation and take actions that benefit you. Remember, you can’t change the past or others’ actions, but you always have the power to choose your next steps.

I’ve been reading Rise by Siya Kolisi (South African Rugby Captain, 2x World Cup winner), and he said, “I’m at the point in my life now where I don’t care what other people think.” This doesn’t make him any less caring; it just means that he focuses on what he can achieve, which is an excellent way of thinking about life.

Think about…

What will you do to maintain and defend your boundaries today?

What are your next steps?

At The Neurodivergent Coach, we specialise in supporting individuals to build effective boundaries and defend them well. If you’d like a conversation, please get in contact.

When you are ready, here are 3 ways we can connect:

Virtual Assistant

Relationship building with your Virtual Assistant

Neurodiversity and your Virtual Assistant relationship

I was very sceptical about the value of working with a Virtual Assistant (VA) to help me with aspects of my business. I found it tricky, but I’ve done it now, and six months on, I thought reflecting on some of the things I’ve learnt would be helpful. The biggest lesson is that working with anybody is constantly a negotiation, which involves working out what’s going to work and what’s not, like any new relationship. So here goes, this is what I have learnt so far.

First impressions count

As with any new relationship, figuring out how it will work is essential. I talked about their skill set, experience, availability and how likely my new VA could work with my style and vice versa. This was useful as it laid the foundation for the relationship’s operation. The key was that my VA was responsive and sent me her portfolio, which showed design work, testimonials and she communicated really well.

Setting the Virtual Assistant ground rules

Being clear from the beginning of the relationship on what’s okay and what’s not has been incredibly useful. I often have ideas at strange times, (neurodivergent brain) and want to communicate them, so it is essential to know the best way to do so, so it doesn’t overwhelm my VA. We agreed from the start that email was the preferred platform. This allows my VA to keep track of the tasks that need completing and file away the email once the work is finished. We also use WhatsApp as prompts or reminders of more critical tasks or priority changes. This has been helpful for me, but it’s not a fixed deal and is something that we still work on and renegotiate regularly.

Getting in the flow

Working together was about building trust and confidence in how the relationship worked. That was about trusting my VA to do what she said she would regarding deadlines and quality of work. Once the first few tasks were delivered to a high standard and on time, I didn’t need to double-check everything as I knew what to expect and was only required to check in periodically to ensure everything was okay. As we got more into the flow, I expanded the depth and types of work we did together. This has been a significant development for me, allowing me to push into the tasks I do best, like idea generation and creating new ways of working or marketing my business.

Introducing my work family to my Virtual Assistant

As a freelancer, I work with many other freelancers, so introducing my VA to my contacts has been super helpful. Again, this takes trust and understanding and has allowed me to remove myself from their conversations so they can deliver the work. For example, I’ve worked with Richard from Slade Design for several years. Richard put together the plan for my website and helped me get it off the ground initially. What’s been helpful as I work with my VA in building a social media presence and getting my communications right is that they can connect about delivering work together; for example, take a look at my free e-book on Applying for Government Funding (Access to Work) and Reasonable Adjustments guide.

Making it a partnership

Spending time working with someone on your business means they’ll get insights into how to do things differently and more effectively. This has been a massive bonus for me in terms of having another individual deeply ingrained in my business. My VA has been able to provide insight and support to help mould the business and take opportunities that may have been overlooked. I think this is the next stage of development of this relationship, and I’ve already seen fabulous ideas come to fruition.

Letting the rest of the value come in

As our relationship has progressed, my VA has pointed me to other knowledgeable individuals so I can learn from them, for example as I started to experiment with video and other mediums of communication, my VA has been beneficial in connecting me with people who can support me to learn video or LinkedIn better. She has suggested tools and other resources that I might find helpful, and she’s always been there to discuss the most sensible way to approach new ideas. This isn’t a replacement for a business mentor, but it has created another powerful partnership that can help me with my neurodivergent traits. I believe business is built on teamwork, and having a great relationship with a super VA has changed everything.

Keep the partnership flourishing!

All this is only possible if you take the time to find the right person and ensure that individuals can work with you and you can work with them. If you’re thinking about how to select a Virtual Assistant, here are some things to think about:

  • Experience and qualifications – can they do what you need?
  • Can they provide references, and do those references seem credible?
  • Availability – will the VA be available when you need them?
  • Are they someone you feel comfortable working with, and are they different enough from you to help you with the tasks you find tricky?
  • Can they communicate with you in a way that you understand?
  • Are you able to communicate with them in a way that they understand? And can you agree on how to work together effectively?
  • Reliability – are they dependable, turn up, and keep going? Especially when the going gets tough and things get tricky.
  • Flexibility – are they able to adapt as your business grows?
  • Are they empathetic towards you?
  • Are they problem solvers or problem makers? Can your VA solve problems for you? We live in a world of issues; what defines us is how well we move forward and solve them.
  • Trustworthiness – fundamentally, this relationship will live and die based on how trustworthy the individual is. Can you trust them to do what they say they will do?
  • The wonga – finally, are they affordable? Do they fit within your budget? We need to be realistic about what we are prepared to pay, as I firmly believe quality does cost, but can we afford that quality, and will the value it adds to our business ultimately be what we need?

And, if you’re wondering who my super VA is, you can find her here on LinkedIn, Bianca Botten.

Bianca kindly provided the following feedback.

“I absolutely love working with Nathan. He is fast-paced, a very clear communicator and smiles a lot, which makes Zoom meetings fun. He’s an idea-generating machine, which makes my job very easy. I just need to action his ideas and refine them to produce social media content, his newsletter or eBooks. I’m really looking forward to what else we can create together and can’t wait to see his business develop over the years”.

Bianca Botten – Virtual Assistant at Neon B

If you want to know more about this, get in touch here.

Purple ribbon with question marks - awareness training

Why awareness training falls short in achieving real change

Awareness training is essential but falls short because awareness of neurodiversity and neurodivergent traits does not lead to inclusion. Awareness training can help individuals and teams to recognise and understand the existence of different traits and conditions. Still, it infrequently leads to actions that support those individuals to thrive in the workplace.

To create an inclusive environment for neurodivergent people, we need to move beyond awareness. Concrete steps that implement policies and practices that support the strengths and challenges associated with neurodivergent conditions are essential. This may include changes to the physical environment, adjustments to communication and work processes, training and education for managers and colleagues on supporting and accommodating neurodivergent individuals.

We must move beyond simply accommodating neurodivergent individuals and instead welcoming, embracing and celebrating the unique perspectives and contributions they bring to our workplaces. This often means a culture shift that values and prioritises neurodivergent traits as strengths rather than viewing them as weaknesses or problems to be solved.

Therefore, while awareness training is an essential first step in creating an inclusive workplace, it must be followed by concrete actions and changes to support and embrace neurodiversity in the workplace.

Here are nine ways to move beyond awareness training and stop it from falling short:

  • Develop and improve your inclusion policy:

    • Develop an inclusion policy that specifically addresses neurodiversity in the workplace.
    • This policy should outline the organisation’s commitment to inclusion, strategies for recruitment, hiring, and retention of neurodivergent employees, and specific accommodations available to support them.

  • Actively recruit neurodivergent employees:

    • Partner with organisations specialising in neurodiversity recruitment. Ensure your existing recruitment programme embraces neurodivergent traits.
    • This means looking at everything from your workforce planning to how you attract neurodivergent traits in terms of promoting disclosure and support, using concise language within your job spec so that essential and desirable attributes are clearly defined and that your screening process doesn’t screen out unconventional backgrounds. For example, that the interview process is transparent.
    • It’s clear that adaptions will be made, and the onboarding process provides mentoring. Finally, you have a retention and development plan that allows those individuals to stay and thrive within your organisation.

  • Provide flexibility:

    • These need to support neurodivergent employees.
    • This may involve providing assistive technology, creating quiet workspaces, or providing flexible work schedules.
    • Ensure that all employees know the available solutions and how to request them.
    • Better still, make them available on demand and normalise the process of seeking and facilitating accommodations.

  • Foster a culture of acceptance:

    • Enable respect for neurodiversity in the workplace.
    • This can involve creating inclusive policies and procedures and actively promoting diversity and inclusion through communication and activities.
    • This can be as simple as engaging in broader neurodiversity celebration activities.
    • I encourage you to look deeper and celebrate your excellent employees often.

  • Provide training and education:

    • Managers and employees need to understand how to support and work with neurodivergent individuals and teams effectively.
    • This can involve providing specific training on communication, management, and flexible strategies and how to have great conversations that enable everyone to operate at their most effective.

  • Create mentorship programs:

    • Pair neurodivergent employees with experienced colleagues trained to mentor.
    • This will create a supportive environment and provide opportunities for growth and development, especially in the retention and development phase of the career life-cycle.

  • Encourage employee feedback:

    • Ask neurodivergent employees how the organisation can better support them.
    • How we ask for feedback is essential; for example, this may need to be asked one-on-one or in a facilitated action learning set.
    • This could also be supported with broader employee surveys.
    • The key idea is that we take action with the information we gather and that it informs us how we move forwards.

  • Provide mental health support:

    • Access resources and information for employees who need additional help.
    • This could be around mental health, first aid, or just facilitating conversations for individuals to work out what they need.
    • There may then be a requirement for counselling services or mental health support.
    • Again, what’s important is to offer the individual the capability to “not be okay” and options regarding how they move forwards.

  • Celebrate neurodiversity:

    • Celebrating neurodiversity is about amplifying strengths and managing difficulties.
    • This isn’t just one week a year.
    • Neurodiversity must be something we consistently do within our organisations. Noticing where people have gone above and beyond, achieved terrific work, and also how they have overcome problems should be noticed and celebrated often.

Pondering about your next move?

Get in contact if a chat would be helpful.

advancing your career with neurodivergent traits breaking the glass ceiling

Breaking barriers: advancing your career with neurodivergent traits

Neurodivergent traits are natural variations in human cognitive function. We all think differently, but some of us think a whole lot differently — like off the scale!

Thinking differently includes conditions like ASD/ASC autism, ADHD, dyslexia, DCD dyspraxia, dyscalculia, tic disorders and PTSD. Neurodivergent traits can be seen as strengths contributing to innovation and creativity in many industries. However, they can also pose significant challenges for individuals looking to advance their careers.

Let’s explore how neurodivergent traits can slow down and sometimes halt career progression. I’d then like to offer thoughts on how organisations can support individuals with neurodivergent traits to break new ground in their careers.

The problem with advancing your career with neurodivergent traits

Neurodivergent strengths include extraordinary attention to detail, supercharged analytical skills, and the ability to redefine working practices. Tragically, these traits can sometimes clash with workplace demands. For example, neurodivergent individuals may struggle with the following:

  • Social interactions: Some individuals with neurodivergent traits find it a Herculean task to navigate social situations, struggling with nonverbal cues, eye contact and small talk. These difficulties can make building relationships that matter virtually impossible, stalling career progression.
  • Sensory overload: Neurodivergent individuals can be highly sensitive to their surroundings, such as noise, bright lights, or strong smells. This can cause them to experience sensory overload interfering with their ability to stay on task and requiring them to take additional breaks. This can be perceived as them not trying enough, which can harm their career prospects.

“High stimulation is both exciting and confusing for people with ADHD, because they can get overwhelmed and overstimulated easily without realising they are approaching that point.”

Jenara Nerenberg, Divergent Mind: Thriving in a World That Wasn’t Designed for You

  • Executive function: This is part of our cognitive processes. Executive function helps us plan, organise, prioritise, and complete tasks. Individuals with neurodivergent traits can struggle with executive function. This can mean missing deadlines, poor time management and projects needing to be completed.
  • Communication: Neurodivergent individuals often have unique ways of communicating and may struggle to express themselves clearly or understand the communication of others. These difficulties can create misunderstandings and miscommunications, which can cause several problems in the workplace.
  • Bias and stigma: There is still a significant amount of bias and stigma surrounding neurodivergent traits in the workplace. This bias can result in discrimination, harassment, and exclusion from opportunities.

Just these five areas can be a significant disadvantage to individuals with neurodivergent traits, making it hard for them to progress and show how truly brilliant they are. As organisations, we have an obligation and opportunity to support individuals to be their very best.

How can organisations make advancing your career with neurodivergent traits easier?

Despite these challenges, there are many ways in which organisations can support individuals with neurodivergent traits to progress in their careers. Here are five things that could make all the difference:

  • Create a neuroinclusive workplace (neurodiversity-friendly): Employers can create a more welcoming environment for neurodivergent individuals by implementing changes such as noise-cancelling headphones, flexible working hours, and comfortable sensory spaces. Encouraging neurodiversity awareness training for all employees can also help raise awareness and reduce bias, in addition to more specific role-based training where appropriate, for example, in recruitment, management and talent retention.

Find out more about awareness training here.

  • Offer mentoring: Mentoring can be highly beneficial for individuals with neurodivergent traits, as it can help them navigate the workplace and build important relationships. Neurodivergent mentees will benefit hugely from mentors with previous experience working with individuals with similar conditions.
  • Provide clear communication: To support individuals with neurodivergent traits, it’s crucial to provide clear, concise, and direct communication. Employers should avoid using ambiguous language, metaphorical expressions, or figurative language that can be difficult to understand.
  • Create Clear Career Pathways: Providing neurodivergent individuals with a clear career pathway can help them stay focused and motivated. Employers should work with these individuals to identify their strengths and interests, set achievable goals, and provide regular feedback.
  • Workplace Needs Assessments: Individuals don’t always know what they need and the type of support that can be helpful. A Workplace Needs Assessment can provide an important opportunity for the individual to assess their strengths and difficulties and then build a plan for what they can do next.

Find out more about Workplace Needs Assessment here.

Red Camera showing Zooming out on neurodiversity

Zooming out on neurodiversity

Have you ever attended a drawing class? I have, and as someone who is particularly bad at drawing, it surprised me. We visited the Eden Project, where an incredible local artist taught us to draw more effectively. It turns out that it has little to do with how well you hold a pencil and a lot to do with how often you stand back and look at your drawing from a distance. I created artwork that resembled the object I was attempting to draw. It was a huge surprise and impressed the little girl sitting next to me. This got me thinking about zooming out on neurodiversity!

When integrating neurodiversity into organisations, we are often tempted to make many small changes. These can be beneficial, but if we don’t take a step back and look at the big picture of what’s happening in the organisation, we risk a disjointed, ineffective approach.

This is especially true when discussing the subject of awareness. I facilitate a lot of neurodiversity awareness-training sessions, which are always well attended with very engaged interactive audiences. Still, there is a risk that if all you do is raise awareness, nothing changes, and you end up having a very informative meeting accompanied by lovely biscuits.

Professor Amanda Kirby highlights the dangers of oversimplification, stereotyping, tokenism, cause blindness, pinup people and becoming a broken record. Neurodiversity is not simple! Neurodiversity is very complicated because each individual will present their neurodivergent traits differently. There is a temptation to simplify neurodiversity to make it more accessible and understandable for everyone. Still, we must treat each person individually and provide a tailored solution to their struggles.

Raising awareness can create new stereotypes of how people behave. For example, I frequently get asked, “what should we be looking out for?” And “how will we know if someone has a neurodivergent trait?” I don’t think this is always helpful because it is more important to ask the individual what is beneficial for them and not put them into a box so we allow them to progress and then flourish.

Tokenism

(We all love a bandwagon and going along with the crowd). It was recently Neurodiversity Week, which is fantastic, but if all it does is make noise, it is ineffective; nothing changes for the people who need it the most, and our organisations suffer from not embracing and engaging with different thinking styles to help with innovation.

Cause blindness

People will become bored if we continue to bang the drum but make no progress. You must act, even if it is only a tiny action, or you risk nothing effective happening.

Poster people

It’s common to hear the same stories about the same people. Richard Branson is an excellent role model but is not the world’s only dyslexic entrepreneur. Love him or hate him, Elon Musk is not the only autistic entrepreneur; there are many brilliant people with neurodivergent traits who have done outstanding work. You need to think more broadly and not just roll out the same old pinups.

Broken records

Whether you like it or not, our world history has some challenging lessons for us to learn. Taking a person’s humanity and labelling them can dehumanise them. You must ensure that you focus on the individual and learn from mistakes in the past.

As we stand back and take a look at what it means to be inclusive within our organisations, I think it’s helpful to consider some of the following areas.

The issue we’re attempting to resolve by zooming out on neurodiversity

Instead of raising awareness and avoiding it, let’s get real and address it. Is it about recruiting, retaining employees, or something else? Let’s be clear about the problem and ensure our efforts are directed towards resolving it. Sometimes more data will be required, while other times, it will simply be a question of what should happen next.

Communicate with others

We frequently make assumptions about what is required. We must have an open and safe conversation about what and how change needs to occur. This conversation must be sensitive to specific cultural backgrounds or thinking styles, but it must happen.

Collaborate with others

It is beneficial to collaborate with other organisations that can assist you in moving forward with solving the problems you’ve identified. They may provide specialised knowledge or simply the ability to step outside the situation. This does not need to be a general label but a specific response to a problem you are attempting to solve.

Think carefully about your goals

SMART Goals aren’t the be-all and end-all, but they can help you figure out what you want to do and ensure it’s realistic and time-bound. This is critical because it allows you to assess your progress and determine whether your actions are effective or if something needs to be changed.

Taking action by zooming out on neurodiversity

This will not occur unless we take the first step forward. Moving forward may entail collaborating with an outside organisation to help you achieve your goals or forming an employee group. What matters is that you do not postpone this until tomorrow. Take the first step and figure out what you need to do next.

Measure what’s going on

You’ll never know if your changes have had any beneficial impact unless you measure their outcomes. Before you measure the outcome, it’s always helpful to take a baseline of where you are before you start otherwise, you will never know if anything you’ve done has made a difference. I would encourage you to consider ways to measure and understand the changes you have made easily.

Keep going by zooming out on neurodiversity

Moving inclusion forward, particularly in neurodiversity, requires a sustained effort. Many leaders will need to be involved in moving your efforts forward, and the organisation must buy into the entire process. If you want long-term change, you must ensure that you have the energy and drive to continue this effort for an extended period.

Would a conversation on zooming out be helpful? – Contact us here.

Broom and dustpan in Cupboard

Project neurodiversity sorting out the broom cupboard

John Chambers, former CEO of Cisco Systems says “25% of CEOs are dyslexic, but many don’t want to talk about it”. There is an argument that if leaders self-identify as neurodivergent the rest of the workforce will feel more comfortable coming forward and having a conversation about neurodiversity.

Organisations can thrive instead of survive if they embrace neurodiversity. The current situation looks like there is a lot of noise, good ideas and goodwill in helping individuals become more effective in the workplace. The reality is that many of these initiatives are disjointed, not bespoke, and fragmented, so organisations are running many different special projects at the same time. This creates a substantial operational overhead that can detrimentally impact the organisation’s effectiveness.

This is a big problem that is not going to go away unless we start to think more holistically and in a project-orientated way across our organisations to help support neurodiversity. We have to think about the constraints we have to operate in. What is the scope of what we are trying to do? How long is it going to take? Do we have the resources to deliver it? And most importantly, how will we know what success looks like?

The project management approach is just as relevant to individuals. In my experience, many individuals have had a very fragmented and disjointed approach to support. To help them manage more effectively I would argue we need to treat neurodivergent support far more like a project.

Project Mindset

It is often easy to get baffled and confused by the potential solutions and lose sight of the problem we are trying to solve. Are we taking a project mindset to neurodiversity in the workplace? Are we focusing on what the problem is?

As an example, John needed support with task management. His company provided him with a robust task management app. The app allowed him to connect tasks across applications and distribute them throughout the organisation. John required a simple solution to help him understand what he needed to do and the priority that should be assigned to each task. As a result of the solution, John became obsessed with making sure he was fully utilising the app rather than focusing on solving the problem. He became stressed, anxious, and guilty about not using the app completely, which distracted him from the problem at hand, which was effectively prioritising his workload.

John’s situation is true for many individuals, as often incorrect solutions are provided that often create additional problems instead of solving the original issue.

Adjustments and support fall into two models which are, The Medical Model, which is about fixing the individual and The Social Model which looks at the social/organisational factors that disable the individual from working effectively.

Often the easy answer is to try and fix the individual by providing an off-the-shelf solution, but there needs to be experimentation, open dialogue and possible coaching.  Then a solid process can be written down and used going forward.  This needs to be led by the individual with support from the organisation. When we look at this in a project way, it means taking a step back and thinking about the impacts of what’s going on within the organisation.

The broom cupboard

Another example: I worked with Toni, who had recently been diagnosed with ADHD and was dealing with work overload and unhelpful organisational behaviours. Toni enjoyed teaching and was successful in the classroom, but her administrative abilities let her down. Furthermore, there was bureaucracy within the organisation, which meant that basic administrative tasks were assigned to senior staff.

We began with small wins to gain momentum, such as examining how Toni could better complete her administration. We set up a distraction-free environment in a broom cupboard for her to complete her administrative tasks. Toni’s mood improved dramatically as a result of a simple change that was inexpensive and quick to implement. Then we altered the way classes were assigned, allowing Toni to have breaks and time for administration between teaching. This was a more difficult organisational issue that required leadership support. The changes were made one at a time and were evaluated based on their impact and usefulness to the individual and the organisation.

In this particular case, it was helpful to get quick wins before working on more challenging adjustments. This allowed Toni to build trust and gain confidence in what was being implemented to make sure the solutions met her needs.

Action is key on Project Neurodiversity

“Often movement is the most important thing.”

Claire Pedrick

We are often afraid to begin, but to determine what is useful, it is critical to ask the individual and the teams involved what the problem is and how we can begin to solve it together.

Toni was overwhelmed in the previous example because she couldn’t see a way to begin solving the problem. What worked was solving one problem, reviewing the solution to ensure that it resolved the issue in the short and long term, and then moving on to the next. Action will frequently involve challenging the status quo, but I would argue that well-thought-out systematic changes will often benefit not only the individual but also the larger organisation.

Creating workplace adjustments should be viewed as a project that should be implemented, but be prepared to roll it back if it doesn’t work. The process should be structured, and documented and any changes made need to be communicated, recorded and approved by all stakeholders who use the process.

I hope the information above has helped you think about neurodiversity and how to use the concept of a project to make changes more effectively. I’d love to hear more about your experiences in making your work environment become more neuroinclusive.