A person with brown hair in a blue jumper wearing a black mask over their eyes. loneliness and Masking

loneliness and Masking, Neurodiversity at work: What HR leaders need to know!

Loneliness and masking is not just about being alone. It’s about being unseen. Brené Brown cites research by Julianne Holt-Lunstad showing that loneliness increases the odds of premature death by around 45 per cent. Harvard studies echo this, finding that adults who experience loneliness are about 40 per cent more likely to die within just four years. That’s a sobering thought, and one worth taking seriously in the workplace.

Masking

For many neurodivergent employees, loneliness does not come from isolation in the obvious sense. It comes from masking. When someone is constantly filtering, editing, and performing to fit into a workplace culture, their colleagues are interacting with the mask, not the person beneath it. Over tim,e this creates distance. The individual feels unknown, unseen, and lonely—despite being surrounded by people every day.

Belonging and fitting in

This is where the distinction between belonging and fitting in becomes crucial. Belonging is about being seen, heard, and valued as yourself. Fitting in is about reshaping yourself to match the expectations of the group. The latter might get you through the day, but it eats away at connection. It adds complexity to already challenging mental health terrain, especially when societal narratives push the idea that if you just work harder to adapt, you’ll be fine.

Relationships matter

The truth is, people don’t always “just sort themselves out.” Sometimes, they need help forming good-quality, healthy relationships at work. Relationships that are clear, respectful, and built on trust. As Brené Brown puts it: “to be clear is to be kind, to be unclear is to be unkind.” When workplaces blur boundaries by using phrases like “we’re a family,” they risk creating confusion or even inappropriate dynamics. Work is not family it’s a commercial environment where clarity, respect, and healthy connection are essential.

For leaders and managers, there are some practical things you can do around loneliness and Masking:

  • Check in with intention. Ask “how are we doing?” not just “how are you doing?” It signals shared responsibility for the relationship.
  • Be explicit. Don’t leave expectations unsaid. Clarity reduces the need for masking.
  • Value the person, not just the role. Make space for people to bring more of themselves, while still respecting professional boundaries.
  • Encourage genuine connection. Create opportunities where team members can get to know each other beyond surface-level tasks.

And remember, sometimes this is not something a manager can or should try to navigate alone. Bringing in an external facilitator can help teams have the conversations that feel too difficult or sensitive to manage internally. This is particularly valuable when examining how neurodiversity manifests within the team. An outside perspective can create safety, shift dynamics, and model healthier ways of working together.

What next

If this resonates, and you’d like to explore how a facilitated session could help your organisation, let’s have a conversation about Empowering Neurodiversity in the Workplace. It may be one of the most effective steps you can take to reduce loneliness, increase belonging, and build a culture where people can perform as themselves—not just as their masks.