A sand clock

Saying NO: a neurodivergent guide – #1

Saying “no” can be a daunting task, especially for those of us who are neurodivergent. We often feel pressured to please others and avoid conflict, leading us to overcommit and experience burnout. However, learning to say “no” effectively is an important skill for maintaining our well-being and setting healthy boundaries.

Why saying NO is so hard

Some of us may have a fear of disappointing others. We worry about how others might see us if we say no to what they are asking and have difficulties setting boundaries. We struggle to prioritise our own needs and say no to things that don’t fit in with our goals. We can also experience a dopamine hit when we say “yes” that can provide a temporary sense of satisfaction, but it can lead to long-term stress and overwhelm.

Tips for saying NO effectively

Remember that it’s okay to say no. Making sure your own needs are met is not selfish. Clearly communicate your feelings and needs without blaming or accusing others, for example you could say, “I’m feeling overwhelmed right now and need to prioritise my own tasks. Use “I” statements to talk about how you are feeling. You could also offer different approaches, for example, you could suggest a compromise or alternative solution and say something like, “I can’t take on that project right now, but I could help with a smaller task.” If you’ve decided to say “no”, stand firm in your decision and avoid apologising unnecessarily. Use a calm and confident tone of voice.

Create time to think

If you’re unsure about a request, don’t feel pressured to answer immediately. Ask for time to consider your options and come back with a thoughtful response. Have something up your sleeve to say like, “can I take 30 minutes to think about that” or “I’d really like to think this over, could you pop it in an email?”

Remember, saying “no” doesn’t make you a bad person. It’s a sign of self-respect and self-care. By practicing these tips, you can learn to say “no” with confidence and ease.

If you would like to polish your “saying no” skills let’s have a conversation.

 

 

 

People sitting round desk at a neuroinclusive meeting

Neuroinclusive meetings what an excellent recipe looks like.

Neuroinclusive meetings can be an excellent opportunity to share ideas and collaborate with team members. However, poorly run meetings can sometimes feel like a waste of time and even create unnecessary stress. This is especially true for neurodiverse individuals who may benefit from additional preparation time.

With the right “ingredients,”  you can create productive and inclusive meetings for everyone. Let’s explore the recipe for the perfect meeting!

Agendas for neuroinclusive meetings

Send the agenda out at least twenty-four hours in advance. This helps reduce anxiety by letting everyone know what’s expected of them and what they must do to prepare. It also forces you, the meeting organiser, to be structured with your thoughts so you know what you want to say and what outcome you’d like to achieve from the meeting.

NB: If you need to make last-minute changes, don’t do it often; if you do, clarify why it’s different.

Be clear

Be clear about the purpose of the meeting and what each participant is expected to contribute. Give people the option to decline if their attendance isn’t essential, and ensure that only those who genuinely need to be there are included. Politely but firmly exclude those who aren’t necessary, even if they insist on joining.

In the words of Brene Brown,” Clear is kind; unclear is unkind”.

Be specific

Be clear about the specific length of the meeting and stick to it. Ideally, allow enough time for everyone to get there and for them to leave and visit the restroom or grab a coffee before their next meeting.

Make it clear

Communicate with those attending and ensure that only those who make a valuable contribution are invited. There’s no sense in having people present with nothing to contribute or do more urgent work than necessary. Clearly outline the meeting’s objectives and the intended outcomes for everyone involved so participants know why they are there.

Location

Ensure everyone knows where the neuroinclusive meeting will be held, whether online or face-to-face, especially if new people are coming.

(If it’s on Zoom and you’ve been using Teams for the last six months, you may need to update your software, which can take extra time.).

Food for neuroinclusive meetings

If the meeting is going ahead during mealtimes, ensure you’ve worked out how people will refuel themselves. I often rule that I won’t attend a meeting during lunchtime, especially if decent biscuits aren’t available… I’m working on this with many people.

Limit smells

Encourage your team to be considerate about smells. Some smells can be overpowering for neurodiverse individuals; for example, solid perfumes and aftershaves can make it difficult for some people to concentrate.

Dress code for neuroinclusive meetings

If it’s informal, keep it informal, but let them know if there are any expectations regarding what people need to wear.

Wrap up the meeting

It is always a good idea to reserve time at the end of the meeting to recap what was discussed, confirm the agreed actions, and clarify who will be responsible for carrying them out. This ensures everyone leaves with a clear understanding of the next steps.

I hope these tips inspire you to transform unstructured meetings into productive and successful collaborations. Remember, great meetings often come from a willingness to experiment and refine. Don’t hesitate to try new approaches and seek feedback on the best way to discover what works so you can continuously improve.

Two meerkats

Dealing with distraction – Meerkat moments

You’ve misplaced your equipment, lost your keys and are unaware of your schedule. You’re losing a sense of where you are in space and time and it feels like appointments and tasks are slipping through your fingers. Your dealing with distraction?

This stuff impacts all of us sometimes, but for some individuals, especially those who have ADHD traits, this can be part of everyday life.

One way to start managing this is to have, “meerkat moments.”

Dealing with Distraction

This is where you simply stop, look up and look around, working out where you are and in relation to what you think you might have decided to do that day. These moments can happen at any time, but they are often helpful when you’ve just finished an activity or maybe are getting to a point where you’re noticing you’re a bit stuck. They’re also beneficial if you see your emotions are running high or your energy is significantly altered, either high or low energy.

If you’re struggling to focus and finding that you’re losing your way, I want to offer a meerkat moment and ask you to think about what this might look like.

You might find it helpful to signpost yourself by putting a picture of a meerkat on your desktop (or maybe not), or you might discover something beneficial that prompts you to pause, take stock of where you are and what needs to happen next.

This is all about looking up, looking out and deciding what to do next.

We can’t decide what happens to us and we certainly can’t decide what other people do to us, but we can always choose what we do next.

If it would be helpful and you’d like to discuss this, I encourage you to reach out to someone you trust. If you’d like to have a conversation with us, please get in contact.

some leaves showing an Autumn scene

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) and neurodiversity: a complex intersection

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is a type of depression that occurs at specific seasons of the year. Winter, darker mornings and earlier evenings can create this feeling. Symptoms like low mood, fatigue, increased desire for sleep and overreacting characterise it. While SAD can affect anyone, it may be more impactful for individuals who have neurodivergent traits.

SAD impacts around 2 million people in the UK each year*.

Why Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) may be more common in neurodivergent individuals?

Sensory overload

Some individuals with neurodivergent traits experience sensory overload, this means they’re more sensitive to light, smell, taste and other senses. SAD can further increase this sensitivity, meaning that the impact of reduced sunlight can have a huge impact on your ability to operate effectively.

Social challenges

Some individuals with neurodivergent traits have social challenges. SAD can exaggerate these challenges, making it even more difficult to connect with others. Therefore, when an individual has to mask and use strategies to operate effectively in social situations, it can be an uncomfortable experience making them exhausted.

Routine changes

SAD can be triggered by changes in routine. Neurodivergent individuals often rely on routines or strategies for living well and changes in these routines can be derailing, meaning that they’re thrown off course and end up in a situation where they’re unable to operate effectively. This can cause considerable anxiety and complexity in terms of carrying out day-to-day tasks and operating effectively.

What does this look like?

Increased symptoms

SAD can intensify existing symptoms of neurodivergence, such as anxiety, depression or difficulty focusing. This means that things are taken to a new level and can often create challenging situations for individuals who have built effective strategies that are no longer fit for purpose.

Social isolation

With low mood and fatigue associated with SAD, it can make it harder for neurodivergent individuals to participate in social activities, leading to feelings of isolation.

Sleep disturbances

SAD can disrupt sleep patterns, which can further worsen symptoms of neurodivergence. Without enough sleep, many of us struggle to function well, but if your body needs more sleep to operate effectively, SAD can make life incredibly challenging.

Difficulty with routine

SAD can make it challenging to maintain a consistent routine, which can be particularly difficult for neurodivergent individuals who rely on routines for stability. For example, some individuals enjoy waking up in the light, which helps get their bodies going. This can be tricky if that light is no longer there, especially in the mornings. In addition, you may need exercise to start the day well, and it may not feel safe to go outside because it’s dark. Your motivation levels can drop, and this will impact your ability to operate effectively.

Coping Strategies for Seasonal Affective Disorder and Neurodivergence

Light therapy

Exposure to bright light can help regulate mood and reduce SAD symptoms. This can be done using lamps; for example, daylight lamps have been successful for some people when waking up.

Regular exercise

Physical activity can boost mood and energy levels. Making exercise a non-negotiable is often important and building regular exercise into your daily routine can be effective. This may be at the beginning of the day to get it out of the way, or alternatively exercising at lunchtime when there’s natural daylight. Neglecting regular exercise can often be a downward spiral to not being able to cope well.

Healthy diet

Eating a balanced diet can help improve overall well-being. Food plays a vital role in our lives, but for some people with neurodivergent traits, getting the right foods, especially a balanced diet, is essential. This can also help us combat SAD, for example, foods that are high in carbohydrates can give us an afternoon slump in energy.

Social support

Connecting with others can provide emotional support and reduce feelings of isolation. Connecting with others allows them to understand what’s going on with you and that can often be helpful. As I’ve learned through working with different people, we usually find it hard to turn up for ourselves, but it’s easy to turn up for someone else, so partnering with a friend, family or even a coach to stay accountable could be helpful.

It’s important to remember that everyone’s experience of SAD is unique, but that doesn’t mean we can’t work out how to move forward effectively.

If you’re finding Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) difficult, it’s a good idea to contact your GP to explore available support options, however, if you’re hesitant or feel more comfortable discussing it in another setting, that can be beneficial too. If you think talking with us might help, whether for yourself or someone in your workplace, feel free to reach out. Together, we can assess whether our support would be helpful for your situation.

* Thames Chase Website

two people siting showing empathy to each other

Empathy: Understanding and connecting in a neurodiverse world

Empathy is the ability to understand and share your feelings with others. This skill is critical in navigating social situations and can often help you build meaningful connections with other people, but for some people with neurodivergent traits, this can be tricky.

I want to explore the three main types of empathy, cognitive, emotional, and compassionate. We’ll look at each type and see how it can be relevant to neurodivergent conditions. I’ll also give you tips for strengthening your skills so you can operate successfully in what is often a neurotypical world.

Cognitive Empathy: seeing the world through different lenses

Cognitive empathy is our ability to understand someone else’s perspective, even if they don’t have the same experiences as we do. This is especially helpful when trying to understand another person’s perspective. For instance, whether we’re working with a difficult team member or a stakeholder from another part of your organisation, it can be challenging to navigate if you don’t grasp the underlying motivations behind their behaviour.

For some people who have neurodivergent traits, this is incredibly challenging.

So here are tips that can be useful in strengthening cognitive empathy.

  • Ask open-ended questions, encouraging people to share their thoughts and feelings.
  • Try and notice what’s going on and get inquisitive about it.
  • If in doubt, ask, but do it from a place of genuine interest.

Emotional Empathy: sharing someone’s feelings

Emotional empathy is effectively sharing someone else’s feelings. This can be a powerful tool to build connections and foster good relationships. This can be challenging for individuals if they don’t know what those feelings are. For some individuals with neurodivergent traits, emotions can be completely overwhelming. Recognising that we may not be able to be emotionally empathetic in the traditional way is helpful, but that doesn’t mean you can’t explore what might help others and ask what’s going on and how you can support them in what they’re experiencing.

Tips for managing emotional empathy

  • Knowing your limits and encouraging others to notice theirs, such as taking breaks from emotionally charged situations,.
  • Set boundaries, let people know when you need space, and make it clear that they should let you know when they need space.
  • Practice self-care, creating enough space to recharge and be your most effective self at work.
  • Being conscious of masking. We all mask to a certain extent, but those masks are big and heavy for some individuals. It’s essential to recognise when you’re wearing a mask and to be mindful of what that feels like in your working environment.

Compassionate Empathy: understanding, feeling, and taking action

Compassionate empathy combines cognitive empathy and emotional empathy with a desire to help. It’s often framed as the ability to understand what’s going on through noticing feelings and reactions and then taking actions to support the individual presenting before us. Compassionate empathy can be a valuable tool for anyone who wants to build strong relationships and positively impact the world, but this can sometimes be very challenging, especially if you cannot detect or work effectively with other types of empathy. This can be particularly challenging for neurodivergent individuals, but that does not mean that individuals who have neurodivergent conditions do not care or do not want the very best for the other person. Working out the most effective way to support and care for someone is often the game changer between effective working relationships and those that fall flat on their face.

Tips for developing compassion (it’s often the simple things that make all the difference).

  • Validate other’s experiences by letting them know that their feelings are valid.
  • Offer support that can be accepted or rejected and that you’re happy with either way.
  • Make sure that when you take action to help, you do it in partnership. Even small gestures can make a huge difference. It can be the difference between someone feeling unseen to feeling seen, heard and felt.

The Neurodiverse world

Here are some insights on what can help achieve empathy at work.

  • Be patient with yourself. Developing empathy takes time and practice. What’s important is that it’s a lifelong lesson but one that is well worth the investment.
  • Communicate your needs. It is often useful to let others know what you prefer and what you find difficult, and this can be one of the key building blocks of good communication.
  • Find your tribe. Connect with others who have had experiences similar to yours. I would also add that different people add as much value to your tribe as those who are the same, otherwise you run the risk of operating in an echo chamber where nothing changes and no new ideas are formed.
  • Celebrate what’s great. Neurodivergent conditions have strengths and challenges, and you must recognise those strengths. In my experience, people are often aware of what they struggle with but often unaware of what they’re great at.

Empathy can be seen as a complex skill, and it is even more challenging for neurodivergent individuals. Although this isn’t an exhaustive list of the different types of empathy, hopefully, it gets you thinking about how empathy turns up and how useful it can be with your connections. I think it’s essential to challenge some of the stereotypes about how empathy is presented and make it okay to experiment and work out the best way to be empathetic within your working environment. Understanding how empathy occurs for different individuals in different spaces is essential and is often the cornerstone of creating effective neuroinclusive communities.

If you need to know more?

Please feel free to get in contact to find out how to start a conversation about this in your organisation

A red fast jet flying through the sky

Top Gun (1986) and parallels with neurodiversity coaching

If you grew up in the 80s, you may love or hate Top Gun which stars Tom Cruise, Kelly McGillis, Meg Ryan and others. It’s a film I love and have written about before and has defined much of my thinking. There are lessons that have carried me through a lot of my experience around coaching and neurodiversity. Here’s little nuggets of wisdom that I have picked up from the film that parallel with neurodiversity coaching.

It seems coaching and the film are wildly different but hang in there, this could be the wildest ride of your life…I feel the need, the need for speed! (That’s entirely from the film, in case you missed it).

Let’s start

Tom Cruise’s character, Maverick. He shows a lot of promise yet lets himself down in many ways. He’s frustrated with himself and the system, but when he tries his best, he significantly improves. This is much like many neurodivergent thinkers and leaders I work with. They often struggle with the system and need to work out ways to interact to shape their processes so they can perform at their best. This is how I can help, by amplifying strengths and managing the things an individual may find tricky.

Difficulty

In the film, the characters join in a training exercise, competing to take down the practice enemy and earn personal points. Maverick, played by Tom Cruise, is piloting a plane with Goose who is the Radar Intercept Officer seated behind him. During the flight, they fly through the other planes’ jet wash (turbulent air created behind a jet aircraft due to the high-speed exhaust gases expelled from its engines). This results in both engines failing, sending the plane into an uncontrollable flat spin. Maverick and Goose are forced to eject from the aircraft with no other options. Tragically, Goose has a fatal injury during ejection, lands in the sea with Maverick and dies a short time later.

This forces Maverick to go to a place he is uncomfortable with as he blames himself for a mistake that wasn’t his fault. Ultimately, that ejection system should have been able to deal with those conditions.

This kind of self-blaming can show up in neurodiversity, for example, in ADHD or Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD). This is where individuals fear rejection and blame themselves for the things that happen that have nothing to do with them. This can lead to crippling feelings of anxiety and low self-worth, meaning they are not able to perform at their best.

Tricky Mission

Maverick’s (Tom Cruise) journey involves him being selected to perform a tricky mission at the end of the film where he flies through another jet wash, but this time it doesn’t take his engines out. As you can imagine, this brings back the trauma of his friend’s death. He temporarily disengages and switches off from flying his plane, which puts one of his colleagues, Iceman in grave danger. Maverick overcomes this by the conversations that are happening over the plane’s comms system and also by his self-talk. This overlaps with coaching because coaching around neurodiversity is often about building resilience and creating coping mechanisms that support you in your workplace. This allows the individual to move forward effectively.

One of the other themes in the film is the idea of mentorship, which Maverick has from the Top Gun program from his mentors Viper and Jester. They guide him through how to take his raw, energetic and unorthodox approach and turn it into something valuable to the organisation. This draws many parallels with neurodivergent thinkers in terms of how they feel about workplace problems and the solutions they want to implement. Being able to deliver solutions in a palatable way that meets the organisation’s needs is vital for any changes to have the desired effect. I’ve worked with individuals who have great ideas, but don’t deliver them in a way that is appetising enough for the organisation and it brings the question, do you need a Top Gun mentorship programme in your organisation to help mould some of your mavericks?

Failure and Top Gun

The change and growth in Maverick’s story is an integral part of the film. Towards the end of the film, he has moved from someone who has failed in his responsibility towards Goose, his Radar Intercept Officer, to being confident in his own abilities to deliver what he needs to do to support himself and his team to be effective. He’s even able to overcome his lack of self-confidence as he reflects on what has gone wrong.

This narrative is just as relevant to neurodivergent thinkers, particularly in the workplace. Building confidence and reframing the conversations is vital. I worked with someone recently who felt they could not market themselves effectively yet were successful with a full calendar of client work. Their social media game was poor and they felt they were, “less than” because they could’nt advertise themselves effectively. We reframed it to, “I’m so good at what I do that I don’t need to advertise”. Having that reframe was vital for them to see their brilliance.

Collaboration and Top Gun

Collaboration and teamwork are needed in the film. The film emphasises the need for the pilots to work together in pairs, protecting and watching over each other as they enter challenging situations, particularly when faced with the enemy. I’ve noticed in a lot of my work around neurodiversity in the workplace, the team is often the best vehicle for neurodivergent individuals to move forward. It allows them to progress in what they are doing while working with others who are great at different things and can complement their skills. This is only possible through learning how to collaborate well. I’d like to add that agreement is not the same as collaboration, meaning you don’t have to agree on everything. You must decide on the essential things to move forward.

Flexibility and Top Gun

The film Top Gun touches on this concept of adaptability and flexibility. The pilots in Top Gun, particularly Maverick’s character, must adjust to changing situations. This is true regarding how he treats Charlie, the female lead character, as he recognises, she is an incredibly skilled instructor instead of just someone he fancies in the bar that they drink in. He also must adapt his techniques and ways of approaching what he does based on what’s happening in front of him. This is a challenge for neurodivergent thinkers in the workplace because life is not always the way we see it.  There is complexity and nuance that we often don’t pick up on, so we have to find ways to adapt and learn how to be our most effective.

Coaching and mentoring played an essential part in developing Maverick into the successful fighter pilot he became. It can change people’s lives, and often, it’s about creating a space where individuals can learn to be their best so they can move forward. Coaching is often implemented for people who are struggling but can play a vital role in developing who they become.

If you haven’t watched Top Gun 1986 watch it, and it’s so good they’ve made a second film which is a continuation from the first film. The storyline is even less believable but will have you feeling the thrill of flying and the need for speed!

man running

Neurodiversity, education leadership, and being human

In the rapidly changing landscape of the UK’s education sector, education leadership are at the forefront of innovation, facing an array of challenges that are magnified for those who are neurodivergent. Neurodiversity encompasses a range of conditions, including autism, ADHD, dyslexia, and other traits. An estimated 20% of the working population identifies as neurodivergent. This percentage is thought to be even higher in fields that demand creativity, innovation, and hands-on skills, such as information technology, engineering and the arts.

The journey to education leadership for neurodivergent individuals is often paved with significant obstacles, yet their unique perspectives are invaluable in driving innovation and fostering inclusive environments. However, as organisations evolve, the strategies that previously facilitated their success may require adjustments. It becomes crucial for these leaders to reassess and adapt their approaches to maintain effectiveness and navigate the complexities of organisational change.

One of the primary challenges neurodivergent leaders face is the pervasive lack of understanding and awareness about neurodiversity in the workplace. Many have surmounted considerable barriers to attain their current positions, only to find that the very strategies that propelled them into leadership roles now need revision. Without widespread recognition of the strengths and challenges associated with neurodiversity, these leaders may struggle to adapt and thrive.

Why education leadership matters

Consider the example of a leader within a large organisation who, despite excelling in financial performance, found his ADHD traits hindering his ability to navigate the internal politics of his organisation. His innovative efforts led to substantial success from a profit and loss perspective, yet behavioural misunderstandings placed him on a final written warning. Only through targeted support aimed at helping the organisation understand the root of these behaviours and assisting the leader in developing more effective strategies was he able to turn the situation around.

Support Systems

Another prevalent issue is the inadequacy of support systems. Often, when leaders perform well, their needs are overlooked. However, when challenges arise, questions about the individual’s competency are posed instead of inquiries into the underlying causes of their struggles. For instance, another individual I worked with was grappling with the impacts of a family bereavement and the breakdown of a personal relationship. These challenges overwhelmed them, affecting their ability to lead their team effectively. Combined with years of masking their difficulties, they were on the verge of burnout. Through careful analysis and engagement, a plan was developed that allowed them to take the necessary time to recuperate, reengage with their team, and ultimately return to their leadership role with renewed strength.

Adjustments

Workplace adjustments are often pivotal for neurodivergent individuals but can be perceived as a sign of weakness for leaders. Accessing these adjustments can be daunting and may not adequately consider the individual’s needs, including how they interact with their team, manage their time, and cope with various pressures. By reassessing these processes to be more inclusive and tailored to the leader’s needs, organisations can significantly enhance the effectiveness of neurodivergent leaders.

Getting social right

Social interaction can pose challenges, particularly in senior roles where networking and forming connections with other organisations are crucial. Navigating social situations can be daunting for individuals with neurodivergent traits, such as those on the autism spectrum. I recently supported a senior leader who struggled with the concept of small talk, finding it irrelevant to his passion for mathematics and coding. By recontextualising small talk as a mathematical exercise, we developed strategies that allowed him to view social interactions through a different lens, facilitating improved communication and networking opportunities.

Dealing with Stigma

The stigma and stereotypes surrounding neurodiversity in the workplace can be pervasive and damaging. Neurodivergent individuals are often perceived as awkward, complex, or “special,” obscuring the unique perspectives and skills they bring to their roles. It is imperative to challenge these stereotypes and recognise the diverse contributions of neurodivergent leaders beyond conventional expectations.

Lastly, mental health and well-being are paramount. Creating an environment where it’s acceptable not to be okay and promoting open, meaningful conversations allows individuals to embrace their identities fully, amplifying their strengths and effectively managing challenges. I believe it’s pivotal that neurodivergent leaders are supported in maintaining their capacity to operate well. This often hinges on them having safe spaces to download and process what they’re doing so they can be the most effective for their organisations and teams.

Why support for education leadership is essential

In conclusion, supporting neurodivergent leaders within the UK’s education sector is not merely a matter of accessibility but is essential for fostering a culture of innovation and inclusivity. By addressing the challenges they face, from the lack of understanding and inadequate support systems, to the need for tailored workplace adjustments and breaking down stigma and stereotypes, we can unlock the full potential of neurodivergent leadership. This benefits the individuals and enhances organisational performance, creativity, and resilience.

As we move forward, let us commit to creating environments that recognise and celebrate the unique contributions of all leaders, paving the way for a more inclusive and dynamic future.

A Firefighter

The neurodivergent firefighter

Recently, I had the privilege of working with an exceptional individual called Alex, who serves as a neurodivergent firefighter. For Alex, this entails managing his ADHD traits amidst various responsibilities and priorities. Throughout our coaching discussions, we talked about strategies that have proven helpful for Alex in effectively managing his daily tasks. Moreover, I was fascinated by the incredible stories shared by Alex – stories that not only inspired but also shed light on how we can enhance inclusivity for all individuals.

The neurodivergent firefighter and the dog!

One particular story stood out: Alex would take his dog with him when running errands on several occasions to ensure his dog got his daily exercise. However, during one outing to the shops, he unintentionally left his dog behind and returned home without realising. Only when he received a call from the shop later did he realise he had left his dog. Although seemingly trivial for Alex, this incident was significant as it highlighted his realisation that he needed a visible reminder to trust his memory.

The power of buddy checks

This was the push in Alex’s journey towards self-discovery, which led him down a path where he looked at the fundamentals that had proven invaluable during his time as a firefighter. Among these ideas were buddy checks, which involved a simple yet crucial act of confirming with your partner that everything was in order before tackling a fire. However, this practice extended beyond on-site; it started at the fire station, where meticulous preparation and confirmation ensured all necessary equipment was readily available for emergency responses. Alex wholeheartedly integrated buddy checks into every facet of his work, instilling a sense of responsibility within himself and his entire watch team. This approach fostered an environment where nothing was taken for granted; instead, they consistently questioned and supported one another to ensure thorough preparations.

Reflecting on the dog story, Alex became aware of how transitions impact him. Moving from one job to another often challenges him, leading to mistakes, forgetfulness, or overlooking important details. Similarly, in firefighting, thresholds are discussed as significant moments of transition.

Crossing thresholds

When crossing a threshold, such as moving from one room to another in a burning building, it’s crucial to assess the situation and ensure the safety of yourself and the team before proceeding. However, this concept of thresholds applies not only in dramatic cases but also in everyday life whenever we move or shift spaces. These thresholds allow us to evaluate and plan for what we can do differently. In previous blog posts, I referred to these as meerkat moments, emphasising the need to pause and quickly assess if we have everything we need before progressing. Alex’s fear of transitions stems from his understanding of the potential consequences if he forgets something or loses perspective. Having solid processes in place transforms his ability to manage this effectively.

Why we need to splash

During another of our conversations, we discussed how individuals react when exposed to cold water. Falling into cold water triggers an automatic response in our bodies – taking a deep breath in. If someone is in cold water, it could lead to drowning due to swallowing excessive amounts of water into the lungs. Alex shared an insight about firefighters and their training routine – they habitually splash their faces with cold water before venturing into any cold-water environment to counteract this instinctive reflex. As we contemplated this together, we realised adopting a similar approach can be beneficial when confronted with unappealing tasks or assignments. You can effectively move forward and make meaningful progress by gradually engaging with tasks and progressively squashing any fear or panic that may arise from unfamiliar territory. Alex has found immense value in applying this strategy.

Make it a rule so it can become a habit

Alex also mentioned establishing a rule that eventually becomes ingrained as a habit. In the field of firefighting, there exist a lot of processes and procedures that need learning and execution. Mastering these requires years of practice, continuous evaluation, and retraining. This can only be achieved by making it a rule to consistently perform tasks until they become second nature, forming muscle memory.

Moving forward as a neurodivergent firefighter

When discussing change, Alex emphasised the importance of determination and progression in the role of a firefighter. For instance, if they determine that entering a building is too hazardous, that decision must remain fixed unless circumstances change. The same principle applies when managing our neurodiverse characteristics. At times, we may conclude that a particular course of action is best for us but then face challenges due to fear, rejection and anxiety about disappointing others. Alex made it a rule that once a decision is made, it can’t be changed unless there is a significant shift in the surrounding circumstances.

Finding the right routes

Alex opened up about an exciting quirk he had noticed about himself. Whenever he is in an empty car park, he unconsciously follows the white lines instead of taking a direct path in his car. This behaviour frustrates him because if he were paying attention, he would take the direct route; however, when it comes to problem-solving or working through challenges, he often experiences a similar feeling of uncertainty and hesitation. During our coaching sessions, we explored strategies for Alex to navigate this metaphorical car park more efficiently and avoid wasting time and effort on unnecessary steps. Alex described this journey as navigating a complex maze with someone who understands his unique perspective and can provide practical guidance on moving forward.

Email title “Do Not Read”

He expressed how one of our interactions had impacted him. During our conversation, he mentioned some actions he wanted to start but struggled to do. This led me to jokingly ask, “shall I send you an email titled do not read this?”. We found humour in it, but upon reflection, we realised that the headline could be the most effective way to grab his attention and motivate him to take action. It symbolised a new, exciting, and forbidden way to communicate, which would have made Alex eager to open the email and tackle the necessary tasks. While it may not be a one-size-fits-all solution, it highlights the importance of keeping work engaging.

Putting the lens of the neurodivergent firefighter at the centre

So, what does that resemble? In my conversation with Alex, some of the strategies he found beneficial include establishing agreements beforehand, clarifying expectations and requirements, implementing necessary processes, and revisiting and confirming previous contracts. Additionally, including symbols in his work would help with effective communication. We discussed red and yellow cards as Alex is a passionate football fan, and he quickly grasped the concept. Yellow cards remind him and others to pause and reconsider their actions in minor setbacks. Red cards are valuable to stop and thoroughly assess in more severe situations. Placing ADHD at the centre of discussions with Alex ensures that it is not a taboo subject but rather an open topic that can be explored collaboratively to determine the most effective path forward.

Excelling

Alex’s work life has been impacted by his journey of self-discovery and understanding of his ADHD. He now realises the need to manage these challenges to produce his best work effectively. Alex is better equipped to handle difficult situations by focusing on amplifying his strengths. The conversations with Alex have been insightful, I am eager to see his future progress and I hope this information proves helpful.

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Pigeons, neurodiversity and flawsomeness

One Sunday morning, I woke up with a sore head after an eventful night at my friend Nick’s wedding.

Later that day, I went to a church in north London and met up with my friend Simon. He told me that our mutual friend Emma was having a pigeon problem. The issue was that the pigeons were walking around in her loft, causing her sleepless nights for the past 10 nights. She was utterly exhausted and had no energy to deal with the problem.

Simon asked me if I could help Emma with her pigeon problem, and I agreed. We crawled into a small loft space and spent almost four hours carefully bringing down the birds. However, during the process, Simon’s trousers got covered in pigeon poo and ruined, and I started to feel quite unwell. Despite our efforts, we failed to realise that the pigeons kept flying back through the hole in the roof they had been using all along. Our plan was flawed, and we were feeling disheartened. I had a sore head, and we were both covered in poo and feathers.

Often, we tend to focus on our flaws rather than our strengths. People with neurodivergent traits, in particular, may be very aware of their difficulties and less aware of their strengths. However, the issues we consider flaws can sometimes be our greatest strengths. For example, if I say yes on an impulse due to my ADHD traits, but it helps someone in need, I would consider this is a strength. The challenge is to recognise them and leverage them to move from a state of less than to more than. Perhaps this means finding ways to get pigeons out of lofts or saying yes to helping someone else out in need on an impulse.

How to Embrace Your Flawsomeness

“Flawsome” is a word coined by Tyra Banks and describes something that is awesome because of….not despite of its flaws.

The concept thrives on the idea that it’s perfectly possible for flaws and awesomeness to coexist and amplifies this idea that your imperfections are perfect.

Embracing your flawsomeness is not difficult, but it does require a shift in perspective.

Here are some steps to help you become flawsome:

Self-Awareness

Self-awareness is a crucial first step in developing your “flawsome” self. Recognising your perceived flaws is how you can build your unique strengths and traits. By acknowledging your areas of difficulty, you can work on them and turn them into strengths. The key is approaching yourself with kindness and compassion, recognising that everyone has flaws and imperfections.

Self-acceptance

Self-acceptance is another critical step in developing a “flawsome” self. It’s essential to acknowledge and accept yourself as you are right now, recognising that everyone has strengths and areas of difficulty. Although it’s natural to want to improve, it’s equally important to appreciate and embrace your present self. For instance, if you struggle with managing your energy levels, acknowledging this is the first step towards finding a solution.

Vulnerability

Vulnerability is not a weakness; it’s an opportunity to see yourself as you are and determine what to do next. Being vulnerable means acknowledging your flaws and being willing to show your true self to others. It’s not always easy, but it can lead to greater self-awareness and personal growth. By embracing vulnerability and recognising your strengths and weaknesses, you can work towards becoming your best self.

Self-improvement

Self-improvement is an essential element of the “flawsome” journey. Life is a continuous learning process, and there are always opportunities for growth and development. Experimenting with the tools available to enhance your strengths and manage your challenges effectively can help you achieve your goals and become the best version of yourself. Whether it’s learning a new skill, practicing mindfulness, or seeking professional help, many resources are available to help you on your journey of self-improvement.

Unlocking Your Flawsomeness and Embracing Neurodiversity

Embracing your “flawsomeness” is a transformative journey that can lead you from a place of shame and unhappiness to a state of contentment. By recognising what makes you unique and acknowledging areas that might be more challenging, you can move forward and become the best version of yourself. If you’re unsure about where to start on your journey to embrace your “flawsomeness” and explore your neurodiversity, the first step is often having a conversation with someone who knows you well. They can provide valuable insights into what they see in you, even in the aspects you perceive as flaws.

By opening up and having honest conversations with those around you, you can better understand yourself and your strengths and weaknesses. Consider seeking professional help, joining support groups, or engaging in self-reflection exercises to help you. Remember, embracing your “flawsomeness” is unique to you, and it’s essential to approach it with kindness, compassion, and an open mind. With time and effort, you can transform your life and become the best version of yourself.

At The Neurodivergent Coach, we understand the power of embracing your “flawsomeness” and unlocking your potential. We aim to create an inclusive environment that nurtures personal growth and celebrates your unique qualities.

If you believe a conversation about this could be useful, we invite you to contact us.

We believe in helping individuals embrace their neurodiversity and achieve their goals. So, join us in the journey of embracing your “flawsomeness” and unlocking your potential.

Contact us today to learn more about our services and how we can support you on your journey.

Contact us today.

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Getting interview ready: empowering neurodivergent job seekers

By Sophie Whitbread, Managing Associate, Employment, Penningtons Manches Cooper LLP

A BBC News article caught my attention recently. It highlights the difficulties faced by an autistic man who is trying to return to the workplace but struggling to do so. He has encountered stumbling blocks when seeking changes to arrangements for making applications for jobs to accommodate his autism. For him, some simple changes to the application process, including having tick-box options on application forms instead of free-form text boxes, and the ability to see interview questions in advance, are adjustments that would help him to succeed when applying for roles. His story shows that many employers are unwilling to make adjustments to application and interview arrangements, which is holding back potential candidates from work.

This is backed up by the findings of the Buckland Review of Autism Employment, published in February 2024. This review found that around one third of autistic employees felt unable to discuss their adjustment needs at all. Of those who did request adjustments, over a quarter were refused.

Whilst the BBC article and the Buckland Review relate to those with autism, these difficulties are faced by neurodivergent applicants across the board.

The law

Disabled applicants are protected by the Equality Act 2010, which requires employers to make reasonable adjustments for them where an aspect of the application process puts them at a substantial disadvantage. However, it is clear that this is far from what happens in practice in every case.

Getting the adjustments you need

As highlighted by the Buckland Review, many disabled people will not mention their need for adjustments. This may be because they feel they can – or ought to be able to – manage without. Sadly, it may also be because they fear, rightly or wrongly, that the employer will react negatively if asked to make adjustments.

Here are some tips on how to put yourself in the best position when making job applications:

1. Be really clear about your disability and your need for adjustments

The duty to make reasonable adjustments only kicks in when the employer knows or ought to have known about an applicant’s disability. It is therefore vital that applicants are upfront about the fact that they are disabled. This is particularly important with neurodivergent conditions where the impact of the disability may not be immediately obvious.

2. Be clear and specific about the impact of your disability and the adjustments that would help you

If an employer is to make a meaningful adjustment, they need to understand what the impact of your disability is, what the proposed adjustment is and how it will alleviate that impact. Again, if they do not know this, and they ought not reasonably to have worked it out for themselves, there is no obligation to make an adjustment.

Compare two unsuccessful disabled applicants whose cases recently went to the employment tribunal.  Mr Mallon was required to complete a short online application form to apply for a role. He asked instead that, because of his dyspraxia, he be allowed to make an oral application and provided some information to the employer about how dyspraxia affects people generally. The employer refused to do this and Mr Mallon brought a claim in the employment tribunal. The tribunal found that it would have been reasonable for the employer to pick up the phone to try to help Mr Mallon in progressing his application. What Mr Mallon particularly struggled with was being able to set up a username and password to access the form. The tribunal found that the employer could have talked this through with him if they had agreed to speak to him by phone.

Mr Glasson, on the other hand, did not go far enough in explaining to a potential employer what the impact of his disability was. Mr Glasson has a stammer and, prior to an oral interview for a job, he told the employer that he needed more time to complete his answers. However, what he did not tell them was that, in addition to this, his stammer meant that he would go into what he described as ‘restrictive mode’ when answering questions, giving shorter answers to some questions than he otherwise might, as a way of avoiding stammering. Although Mr Glasson performed well at his interview, he scored one point behind the second most successful candidate. He brought a disability discrimination claim in the tribunal but was unsuccessful. This was because he could not show that the employer knew of the impact of his stammer on the length of his answers, only that he might need more time to complete them. We do not know what would have happened if the employer had been aware of this. It may have made no difference at all, but Mr Glasson did not put himself in the best position he could have done in advance of that interview.

3. Plan ahead

We can all find it hard to think on our feet, and those with neurodivergent conditions may find it more difficult to respond in the moment to a question about the need for reasonable adjustments. Do therefore spend time thinking about what it is that you find difficult and what helps to alleviate that. Look carefully at application interview information and ask questions about the format so that you know what to expect. Before you even apply for jobs, sit down and – ask for help if you need it – try to think of the different scenarios you might find yourself in and the effect they may have on you.

Whilst employers may be expected to have some general knowledge about a particular condition, disabilities affect everyone differently. For example, the autistic applicant highlighted in the BBC News report above says that he finds tick boxes easier to complete rather than free-form questions on an application form. By contrast, another autistic job applicant succeeded in an employment tribunal case because they had not been allowed to provide short written answers as an alternative to a multiple choice question. Everyone’s disability and the impact it has on them is therefore different and it is really important that you spend time thinking about your own personal situation.

Some people find the Health Adjustment Passport (HAP)  helpful as a way of thinking about their disability and how it affects them, both at the application stage and more generally in the workplace.

If you have not had an Access to Work assessment, you could apply for one to see what support you could get in applying for jobs.

4. Set out your needs in writing

Try to draw up a clear written record (using a HAP or not, to suit you) of the adjustments you need and why you need them. Get some help putting this together if you need to. It will act as a useful reminder for you of what you need as well as being something you could send to a potential employer. If all goes wrong and you find yourself in an employment tribunal, it is something you can rely on as evidence that you have communicated clearly about your disability to the prospective employer.

Note to employers

It can be daunting as an employer faced with prospective employees with a whole range of different disabilities, including neurodivergent conditions. The easiest approach can be simply to apply your normal procedures and hope everyone can get on with them. By doing this, you put yourself at risk of employment tribunal claims from disabled employees where you have failed to make reasonable adjustments. Arguably more importantly, however, you not only deprive those individuals of the possibility of working for you, but you deprive your business of the potential that they may bring to it.

There is no substitute for open and honest communication when it comes to talking about reasonable adjustments. You do not have to be an expert on every disability. The most important thing you can do is to listen and take seriously the concerns of disabled applicants. Keep an open mind as to the changes you can make to your application process to facilitate a wider pool of applicants. You then may be surprised by the positive impact this has on your business going forward.