Saying NO: a neurodivergent guide – #1
Saying “no” can be a daunting task, especially for those of us who are neurodivergent. We often feel pressured to please others and avoid conflict, leading us to overcommit and experience burnout. However, learning to say “no” effectively is an important skill for maintaining our well-being and setting healthy boundaries.
Why saying NO is so hard
Some of us may have a fear of disappointing others. We worry about how others might see us if we say no to what they are asking and have difficulties setting boundaries. We struggle to prioritise our own needs and say no to things that don’t fit in with our goals. We can also experience a dopamine hit when we say “yes” that can provide a temporary sense of satisfaction, but it can lead to long-term stress and overwhelm.
Tips for saying NO effectively
Remember that it’s okay to say no. Making sure your own needs are met is not selfish. Clearly communicate your feelings and needs without blaming or accusing others, for example you could say, “I’m feeling overwhelmed right now and need to prioritise my own tasks. Use “I” statements to talk about how you are feeling. You could also offer different approaches, for example, you could suggest a compromise or alternative solution and say something like, “I can’t take on that project right now, but I could help with a smaller task.” If you’ve decided to say “no”, stand firm in your decision and avoid apologising unnecessarily. Use a calm and confident tone of voice.
Create time to think
If you’re unsure about a request, don’t feel pressured to answer immediately. Ask for time to consider your options and come back with a thoughtful response. Have something up your sleeve to say like, “can I take 30 minutes to think about that” or “I’d really like to think this over, could you pop it in an email?”
Remember, saying “no” doesn’t make you a bad person. It’s a sign of self-respect and self-care. By practicing these tips, you can learn to say “no” with confidence and ease.
If you would like to polish your “saying no” skills let’s have a conversation.
