Tag Archive for: Thinking Differently

some leaves showing an Autumn scene

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) and neurodiversity: a complex intersection

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is a type of depression that occurs at specific seasons of the year. Winter, darker mornings and earlier evenings can create this feeling. Symptoms like low mood, fatigue, increased desire for sleep and overreacting characterise it. While SAD can affect anyone, it may be more impactful for individuals who have neurodivergent traits.

SAD impacts around 2 million people in the UK each year*.

Why Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) may be more common in neurodivergent individuals?

Sensory overload

Some individuals with neurodivergent traits experience sensory overload, this means they’re more sensitive to light, smell, taste and other senses. SAD can further increase this sensitivity, meaning that the impact of reduced sunlight can have a huge impact on your ability to operate effectively.

Social challenges

Some individuals with neurodivergent traits have social challenges. SAD can exaggerate these challenges, making it even more difficult to connect with others. Therefore, when an individual has to mask and use strategies to operate effectively in social situations, it can be an uncomfortable experience making them exhausted.

Routine changes

SAD can be triggered by changes in routine. Neurodivergent individuals often rely on routines or strategies for living well and changes in these routines can be derailing, meaning that they’re thrown off course and end up in a situation where they’re unable to operate effectively. This can cause considerable anxiety and complexity in terms of carrying out day-to-day tasks and operating effectively.

What does this look like?

Increased symptoms

SAD can intensify existing symptoms of neurodivergence, such as anxiety, depression or difficulty focusing. This means that things are taken to a new level and can often create challenging situations for individuals who have built effective strategies that are no longer fit for purpose.

Social isolation

With low mood and fatigue associated with SAD, it can make it harder for neurodivergent individuals to participate in social activities, leading to feelings of isolation.

Sleep disturbances

SAD can disrupt sleep patterns, which can further worsen symptoms of neurodivergence. Without enough sleep, many of us struggle to function well, but if your body needs more sleep to operate effectively, SAD can make life incredibly challenging.

Difficulty with routine

SAD can make it challenging to maintain a consistent routine, which can be particularly difficult for neurodivergent individuals who rely on routines for stability. For example, some individuals enjoy waking up in the light, which helps get their bodies going. This can be tricky if that light is no longer there, especially in the mornings. In addition, you may need exercise to start the day well, and it may not feel safe to go outside because it’s dark. Your motivation levels can drop, and this will impact your ability to operate effectively.

Coping Strategies for Seasonal Affective Disorder and Neurodivergence

Light therapy

Exposure to bright light can help regulate mood and reduce SAD symptoms. This can be done using lamps; for example, daylight lamps have been successful for some people when waking up.

Regular exercise

Physical activity can boost mood and energy levels. Making exercise a non-negotiable is often important and building regular exercise into your daily routine can be effective. This may be at the beginning of the day to get it out of the way, or alternatively exercising at lunchtime when there’s natural daylight. Neglecting regular exercise can often be a downward spiral to not being able to cope well.

Healthy diet

Eating a balanced diet can help improve overall well-being. Food plays a vital role in our lives, but for some people with neurodivergent traits, getting the right foods, especially a balanced diet, is essential. This can also help us combat SAD, for example, foods that are high in carbohydrates can give us an afternoon slump in energy.

Social support

Connecting with others can provide emotional support and reduce feelings of isolation. Connecting with others allows them to understand what’s going on with you and that can often be helpful. As I’ve learned through working with different people, we usually find it hard to turn up for ourselves, but it’s easy to turn up for someone else, so partnering with a friend, family or even a coach to stay accountable could be helpful.

It’s important to remember that everyone’s experience of SAD is unique, but that doesn’t mean we can’t work out how to move forward effectively.

If you’re finding Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) difficult, it’s a good idea to contact your GP to explore available support options, however, if you’re hesitant or feel more comfortable discussing it in another setting, that can be beneficial too. If you think talking with us might help, whether for yourself or someone in your workplace, feel free to reach out. Together, we can assess whether our support would be helpful for your situation.

* Thames Chase Website

two people siting showing empathy to each other

Empathy: Understanding and connecting in a neurodiverse world

Empathy is the ability to understand and share your feelings with others. This skill is critical in navigating social situations and can often help you build meaningful connections with other people, but for some people with neurodivergent traits, this can be tricky.

I want to explore the three main types of empathy, cognitive, emotional, and compassionate. We’ll look at each type and see how it can be relevant to neurodivergent conditions. I’ll also give you tips for strengthening your skills so you can operate successfully in what is often a neurotypical world.

Cognitive Empathy: seeing the world through different lenses

Cognitive empathy is our ability to understand someone else’s perspective, even if they don’t have the same experiences as we do. This is especially helpful when trying to understand another person’s perspective. For instance, whether we’re working with a difficult team member or a stakeholder from another part of your organisation, it can be challenging to navigate if you don’t grasp the underlying motivations behind their behaviour.

For some people who have neurodivergent traits, this is incredibly challenging.

So here are tips that can be useful in strengthening cognitive empathy.

  • Ask open-ended questions, encouraging people to share their thoughts and feelings.
  • Try and notice what’s going on and get inquisitive about it.
  • If in doubt, ask, but do it from a place of genuine interest.

Emotional Empathy: sharing someone’s feelings

Emotional empathy is effectively sharing someone else’s feelings. This can be a powerful tool to build connections and foster good relationships. This can be challenging for individuals if they don’t know what those feelings are. For some individuals with neurodivergent traits, emotions can be completely overwhelming. Recognising that we may not be able to be emotionally empathetic in the traditional way is helpful, but that doesn’t mean you can’t explore what might help others and ask what’s going on and how you can support them in what they’re experiencing.

Tips for managing emotional empathy

  • Knowing your limits and encouraging others to notice theirs, such as taking breaks from emotionally charged situations,.
  • Set boundaries, let people know when you need space, and make it clear that they should let you know when they need space.
  • Practice self-care, creating enough space to recharge and be your most effective self at work.
  • Being conscious of masking. We all mask to a certain extent, but those masks are big and heavy for some individuals. It’s essential to recognise when you’re wearing a mask and to be mindful of what that feels like in your working environment.

Compassionate Empathy: understanding, feeling, and taking action

Compassionate empathy combines cognitive empathy and emotional empathy with a desire to help. It’s often framed as the ability to understand what’s going on through noticing feelings and reactions and then taking actions to support the individual presenting before us. Compassionate empathy can be a valuable tool for anyone who wants to build strong relationships and positively impact the world, but this can sometimes be very challenging, especially if you cannot detect or work effectively with other types of empathy. This can be particularly challenging for neurodivergent individuals, but that does not mean that individuals who have neurodivergent conditions do not care or do not want the very best for the other person. Working out the most effective way to support and care for someone is often the game changer between effective working relationships and those that fall flat on their face.

Tips for developing compassion (it’s often the simple things that make all the difference).

  • Validate other’s experiences by letting them know that their feelings are valid.
  • Offer support that can be accepted or rejected and that you’re happy with either way.
  • Make sure that when you take action to help, you do it in partnership. Even small gestures can make a huge difference. It can be the difference between someone feeling unseen to feeling seen, heard and felt.

The Neurodiverse world

Here are some insights on what can help achieve empathy at work.

  • Be patient with yourself. Developing empathy takes time and practice. What’s important is that it’s a lifelong lesson but one that is well worth the investment.
  • Communicate your needs. It is often useful to let others know what you prefer and what you find difficult, and this can be one of the key building blocks of good communication.
  • Find your tribe. Connect with others who have had experiences similar to yours. I would also add that different people add as much value to your tribe as those who are the same, otherwise you run the risk of operating in an echo chamber where nothing changes and no new ideas are formed.
  • Celebrate what’s great. Neurodivergent conditions have strengths and challenges, and you must recognise those strengths. In my experience, people are often aware of what they struggle with but often unaware of what they’re great at.

Empathy can be seen as a complex skill, and it is even more challenging for neurodivergent individuals. Although this isn’t an exhaustive list of the different types of empathy, hopefully, it gets you thinking about how empathy turns up and how useful it can be with your connections. I think it’s essential to challenge some of the stereotypes about how empathy is presented and make it okay to experiment and work out the best way to be empathetic within your working environment. Understanding how empathy occurs for different individuals in different spaces is essential and is often the cornerstone of creating effective neuroinclusive communities.

If you need to know more?

Please feel free to get in contact to find out how to start a conversation about this in your organisation

A Firefighter

The neurodivergent firefighter

Recently, I had the privilege of working with an exceptional individual called Alex, who serves as a neurodivergent firefighter. For Alex, this entails managing his ADHD traits amidst various responsibilities and priorities. Throughout our coaching discussions, we talked about strategies that have proven helpful for Alex in effectively managing his daily tasks. Moreover, I was fascinated by the incredible stories shared by Alex – stories that not only inspired but also shed light on how we can enhance inclusivity for all individuals.

The neurodivergent firefighter and the dog!

One particular story stood out: Alex would take his dog with him when running errands on several occasions to ensure his dog got his daily exercise. However, during one outing to the shops, he unintentionally left his dog behind and returned home without realising. Only when he received a call from the shop later did he realise he had left his dog. Although seemingly trivial for Alex, this incident was significant as it highlighted his realisation that he needed a visible reminder to trust his memory.

The power of buddy checks

This was the push in Alex’s journey towards self-discovery, which led him down a path where he looked at the fundamentals that had proven invaluable during his time as a firefighter. Among these ideas were buddy checks, which involved a simple yet crucial act of confirming with your partner that everything was in order before tackling a fire. However, this practice extended beyond on-site; it started at the fire station, where meticulous preparation and confirmation ensured all necessary equipment was readily available for emergency responses. Alex wholeheartedly integrated buddy checks into every facet of his work, instilling a sense of responsibility within himself and his entire watch team. This approach fostered an environment where nothing was taken for granted; instead, they consistently questioned and supported one another to ensure thorough preparations.

Reflecting on the dog story, Alex became aware of how transitions impact him. Moving from one job to another often challenges him, leading to mistakes, forgetfulness, or overlooking important details. Similarly, in firefighting, thresholds are discussed as significant moments of transition.

Crossing thresholds

When crossing a threshold, such as moving from one room to another in a burning building, it’s crucial to assess the situation and ensure the safety of yourself and the team before proceeding. However, this concept of thresholds applies not only in dramatic cases but also in everyday life whenever we move or shift spaces. These thresholds allow us to evaluate and plan for what we can do differently. In previous blog posts, I referred to these as meerkat moments, emphasising the need to pause and quickly assess if we have everything we need before progressing. Alex’s fear of transitions stems from his understanding of the potential consequences if he forgets something or loses perspective. Having solid processes in place transforms his ability to manage this effectively.

Why we need to splash

During another of our conversations, we discussed how individuals react when exposed to cold water. Falling into cold water triggers an automatic response in our bodies – taking a deep breath in. If someone is in cold water, it could lead to drowning due to swallowing excessive amounts of water into the lungs. Alex shared an insight about firefighters and their training routine – they habitually splash their faces with cold water before venturing into any cold-water environment to counteract this instinctive reflex. As we contemplated this together, we realised adopting a similar approach can be beneficial when confronted with unappealing tasks or assignments. You can effectively move forward and make meaningful progress by gradually engaging with tasks and progressively squashing any fear or panic that may arise from unfamiliar territory. Alex has found immense value in applying this strategy.

Make it a rule so it can become a habit

Alex also mentioned establishing a rule that eventually becomes ingrained as a habit. In the field of firefighting, there exist a lot of processes and procedures that need learning and execution. Mastering these requires years of practice, continuous evaluation, and retraining. This can only be achieved by making it a rule to consistently perform tasks until they become second nature, forming muscle memory.

Moving forward as a neurodivergent firefighter

When discussing change, Alex emphasised the importance of determination and progression in the role of a firefighter. For instance, if they determine that entering a building is too hazardous, that decision must remain fixed unless circumstances change. The same principle applies when managing our neurodiverse characteristics. At times, we may conclude that a particular course of action is best for us but then face challenges due to fear, rejection and anxiety about disappointing others. Alex made it a rule that once a decision is made, it can’t be changed unless there is a significant shift in the surrounding circumstances.

Finding the right routes

Alex opened up about an exciting quirk he had noticed about himself. Whenever he is in an empty car park, he unconsciously follows the white lines instead of taking a direct path in his car. This behaviour frustrates him because if he were paying attention, he would take the direct route; however, when it comes to problem-solving or working through challenges, he often experiences a similar feeling of uncertainty and hesitation. During our coaching sessions, we explored strategies for Alex to navigate this metaphorical car park more efficiently and avoid wasting time and effort on unnecessary steps. Alex described this journey as navigating a complex maze with someone who understands his unique perspective and can provide practical guidance on moving forward.

Email title “Do Not Read”

He expressed how one of our interactions had impacted him. During our conversation, he mentioned some actions he wanted to start but struggled to do. This led me to jokingly ask, “shall I send you an email titled do not read this?”. We found humour in it, but upon reflection, we realised that the headline could be the most effective way to grab his attention and motivate him to take action. It symbolised a new, exciting, and forbidden way to communicate, which would have made Alex eager to open the email and tackle the necessary tasks. While it may not be a one-size-fits-all solution, it highlights the importance of keeping work engaging.

Putting the lens of the neurodivergent firefighter at the centre

So, what does that resemble? In my conversation with Alex, some of the strategies he found beneficial include establishing agreements beforehand, clarifying expectations and requirements, implementing necessary processes, and revisiting and confirming previous contracts. Additionally, including symbols in his work would help with effective communication. We discussed red and yellow cards as Alex is a passionate football fan, and he quickly grasped the concept. Yellow cards remind him and others to pause and reconsider their actions in minor setbacks. Red cards are valuable to stop and thoroughly assess in more severe situations. Placing ADHD at the centre of discussions with Alex ensures that it is not a taboo subject but rather an open topic that can be explored collaboratively to determine the most effective path forward.

Excelling

Alex’s work life has been impacted by his journey of self-discovery and understanding of his ADHD. He now realises the need to manage these challenges to produce his best work effectively. Alex is better equipped to handle difficult situations by focusing on amplifying his strengths. The conversations with Alex have been insightful, I am eager to see his future progress and I hope this information proves helpful.

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Bird flying off roof

Pigeons, neurodiversity and flawsomeness

One Sunday morning, I woke up with a sore head after an eventful night at my friend Nick’s wedding.

Later that day, I went to a church in north London and met up with my friend Simon. He told me that our mutual friend Emma was having a pigeon problem. The issue was that the pigeons were walking around in her loft, causing her sleepless nights for the past 10 nights. She was utterly exhausted and had no energy to deal with the problem.

Simon asked me if I could help Emma with her pigeon problem, and I agreed. We crawled into a small loft space and spent almost four hours carefully bringing down the birds. However, during the process, Simon’s trousers got covered in pigeon poo and ruined, and I started to feel quite unwell. Despite our efforts, we failed to realise that the pigeons kept flying back through the hole in the roof they had been using all along. Our plan was flawed, and we were feeling disheartened. I had a sore head, and we were both covered in poo and feathers.

Often, we tend to focus on our flaws rather than our strengths. People with neurodivergent traits, in particular, may be very aware of their difficulties and less aware of their strengths. However, the issues we consider flaws can sometimes be our greatest strengths. For example, if I say yes on an impulse due to my ADHD traits, but it helps someone in need, I would consider this is a strength. The challenge is to recognise them and leverage them to move from a state of less than to more than. Perhaps this means finding ways to get pigeons out of lofts or saying yes to helping someone else out in need on an impulse.

How to Embrace Your Flawsomeness

“Flawsome” is a word coined by Tyra Banks and describes something that is awesome because of….not despite of its flaws.

The concept thrives on the idea that it’s perfectly possible for flaws and awesomeness to coexist and amplifies this idea that your imperfections are perfect.

Embracing your flawsomeness is not difficult, but it does require a shift in perspective.

Here are some steps to help you become flawsome:

Self-Awareness

Self-awareness is a crucial first step in developing your “flawsome” self. Recognising your perceived flaws is how you can build your unique strengths and traits. By acknowledging your areas of difficulty, you can work on them and turn them into strengths. The key is approaching yourself with kindness and compassion, recognising that everyone has flaws and imperfections.

Self-acceptance

Self-acceptance is another critical step in developing a “flawsome” self. It’s essential to acknowledge and accept yourself as you are right now, recognising that everyone has strengths and areas of difficulty. Although it’s natural to want to improve, it’s equally important to appreciate and embrace your present self. For instance, if you struggle with managing your energy levels, acknowledging this is the first step towards finding a solution.

Vulnerability

Vulnerability is not a weakness; it’s an opportunity to see yourself as you are and determine what to do next. Being vulnerable means acknowledging your flaws and being willing to show your true self to others. It’s not always easy, but it can lead to greater self-awareness and personal growth. By embracing vulnerability and recognising your strengths and weaknesses, you can work towards becoming your best self.

Self-improvement

Self-improvement is an essential element of the “flawsome” journey. Life is a continuous learning process, and there are always opportunities for growth and development. Experimenting with the tools available to enhance your strengths and manage your challenges effectively can help you achieve your goals and become the best version of yourself. Whether it’s learning a new skill, practicing mindfulness, or seeking professional help, many resources are available to help you on your journey of self-improvement.

Unlocking Your Flawsomeness and Embracing Neurodiversity

Embracing your “flawsomeness” is a transformative journey that can lead you from a place of shame and unhappiness to a state of contentment. By recognising what makes you unique and acknowledging areas that might be more challenging, you can move forward and become the best version of yourself. If you’re unsure about where to start on your journey to embrace your “flawsomeness” and explore your neurodiversity, the first step is often having a conversation with someone who knows you well. They can provide valuable insights into what they see in you, even in the aspects you perceive as flaws.

By opening up and having honest conversations with those around you, you can better understand yourself and your strengths and weaknesses. Consider seeking professional help, joining support groups, or engaging in self-reflection exercises to help you. Remember, embracing your “flawsomeness” is unique to you, and it’s essential to approach it with kindness, compassion, and an open mind. With time and effort, you can transform your life and become the best version of yourself.

At The Neurodivergent Coach, we understand the power of embracing your “flawsomeness” and unlocking your potential. We aim to create an inclusive environment that nurtures personal growth and celebrates your unique qualities.

If you believe a conversation about this could be useful, we invite you to contact us.

We believe in helping individuals embrace their neurodiversity and achieve their goals. So, join us in the journey of embracing your “flawsomeness” and unlocking your potential.

Contact us today to learn more about our services and how we can support you on your journey.

Contact us today.

Picture of a clipboard

Getting interview ready: empowering neurodivergent job seekers

By Sophie Whitbread, Managing Associate, Employment, Penningtons Manches Cooper LLP

A BBC News article caught my attention recently. It highlights the difficulties faced by an autistic man who is trying to return to the workplace but struggling to do so. He has encountered stumbling blocks when seeking changes to arrangements for making applications for jobs to accommodate his autism. For him, some simple changes to the application process, including having tick-box options on application forms instead of free-form text boxes, and the ability to see interview questions in advance, are adjustments that would help him to succeed when applying for roles. His story shows that many employers are unwilling to make adjustments to application and interview arrangements, which is holding back potential candidates from work.

This is backed up by the findings of the Buckland Review of Autism Employment, published in February 2024. This review found that around one third of autistic employees felt unable to discuss their adjustment needs at all. Of those who did request adjustments, over a quarter were refused.

Whilst the BBC article and the Buckland Review relate to those with autism, these difficulties are faced by neurodivergent applicants across the board.

The law

Disabled applicants are protected by the Equality Act 2010, which requires employers to make reasonable adjustments for them where an aspect of the application process puts them at a substantial disadvantage. However, it is clear that this is far from what happens in practice in every case.

Getting the adjustments you need

As highlighted by the Buckland Review, many disabled people will not mention their need for adjustments. This may be because they feel they can – or ought to be able to – manage without. Sadly, it may also be because they fear, rightly or wrongly, that the employer will react negatively if asked to make adjustments.

Here are some tips on how to put yourself in the best position when making job applications:

1. Be really clear about your disability and your need for adjustments

The duty to make reasonable adjustments only kicks in when the employer knows or ought to have known about an applicant’s disability. It is therefore vital that applicants are upfront about the fact that they are disabled. This is particularly important with neurodivergent conditions where the impact of the disability may not be immediately obvious.

2. Be clear and specific about the impact of your disability and the adjustments that would help you

If an employer is to make a meaningful adjustment, they need to understand what the impact of your disability is, what the proposed adjustment is and how it will alleviate that impact. Again, if they do not know this, and they ought not reasonably to have worked it out for themselves, there is no obligation to make an adjustment.

Compare two unsuccessful disabled applicants whose cases recently went to the employment tribunal.  Mr Mallon was required to complete a short online application form to apply for a role. He asked instead that, because of his dyspraxia, he be allowed to make an oral application and provided some information to the employer about how dyspraxia affects people generally. The employer refused to do this and Mr Mallon brought a claim in the employment tribunal. The tribunal found that it would have been reasonable for the employer to pick up the phone to try to help Mr Mallon in progressing his application. What Mr Mallon particularly struggled with was being able to set up a username and password to access the form. The tribunal found that the employer could have talked this through with him if they had agreed to speak to him by phone.

Mr Glasson, on the other hand, did not go far enough in explaining to a potential employer what the impact of his disability was. Mr Glasson has a stammer and, prior to an oral interview for a job, he told the employer that he needed more time to complete his answers. However, what he did not tell them was that, in addition to this, his stammer meant that he would go into what he described as ‘restrictive mode’ when answering questions, giving shorter answers to some questions than he otherwise might, as a way of avoiding stammering. Although Mr Glasson performed well at his interview, he scored one point behind the second most successful candidate. He brought a disability discrimination claim in the tribunal but was unsuccessful. This was because he could not show that the employer knew of the impact of his stammer on the length of his answers, only that he might need more time to complete them. We do not know what would have happened if the employer had been aware of this. It may have made no difference at all, but Mr Glasson did not put himself in the best position he could have done in advance of that interview.

3. Plan ahead

We can all find it hard to think on our feet, and those with neurodivergent conditions may find it more difficult to respond in the moment to a question about the need for reasonable adjustments. Do therefore spend time thinking about what it is that you find difficult and what helps to alleviate that. Look carefully at application interview information and ask questions about the format so that you know what to expect. Before you even apply for jobs, sit down and – ask for help if you need it – try to think of the different scenarios you might find yourself in and the effect they may have on you.

Whilst employers may be expected to have some general knowledge about a particular condition, disabilities affect everyone differently. For example, the autistic applicant highlighted in the BBC News report above says that he finds tick boxes easier to complete rather than free-form questions on an application form. By contrast, another autistic job applicant succeeded in an employment tribunal case because they had not been allowed to provide short written answers as an alternative to a multiple choice question. Everyone’s disability and the impact it has on them is therefore different and it is really important that you spend time thinking about your own personal situation.

Some people find the Health Adjustment Passport (HAP)  helpful as a way of thinking about their disability and how it affects them, both at the application stage and more generally in the workplace.

If you have not had an Access to Work assessment, you could apply for one to see what support you could get in applying for jobs.

4. Set out your needs in writing

Try to draw up a clear written record (using a HAP or not, to suit you) of the adjustments you need and why you need them. Get some help putting this together if you need to. It will act as a useful reminder for you of what you need as well as being something you could send to a potential employer. If all goes wrong and you find yourself in an employment tribunal, it is something you can rely on as evidence that you have communicated clearly about your disability to the prospective employer.

Note to employers

It can be daunting as an employer faced with prospective employees with a whole range of different disabilities, including neurodivergent conditions. The easiest approach can be simply to apply your normal procedures and hope everyone can get on with them. By doing this, you put yourself at risk of employment tribunal claims from disabled employees where you have failed to make reasonable adjustments. Arguably more importantly, however, you not only deprive those individuals of the possibility of working for you, but you deprive your business of the potential that they may bring to it.

There is no substitute for open and honest communication when it comes to talking about reasonable adjustments. You do not have to be an expert on every disability. The most important thing you can do is to listen and take seriously the concerns of disabled applicants. Keep an open mind as to the changes you can make to your application process to facilitate a wider pool of applicants. You then may be surprised by the positive impact this has on your business going forward.

Picture of a forest – No masks are needed in the forest

No masks are needed in the forest – except when using a chainsaw!!

In a world where neurodivergent people are all too often told that they are too much or not enough, no masks are needed in the forest.

As an eight-year-old succinctly said, “In a forest, I can be myself. Trees don’t care.”

Sensory regulation, so vital to us, somehow seems more effortless in the forest. Nobody minds if you want to run, jump, spin, or hang. The path underfoot is rarely harsh or regular, instead providing our feet with a gentle cushion that is constantly changing and providing our bodies with proprioceptive input as we walk. We are away from the glare of artificial light, the hum of air conditioning and the drone of traffic. Instead, our eyes can relax in the dappled light under the trees, and our skin can soak in the vitamin D found in the natural sunlight of a forest clearing. The harsh, mechanical white noise of urban spaces is replaced by the forest’s gentle but constantly changing backdrop as we hear the leaves rustle in the breeze or enjoy the sound of birdsong high above us. And somehow, despite the quiet calm, it’s also ok to shout, sing or hum. We’re not being a problem to anyone if we want to make a noise.

You can find space to be alone in even the most popular of forests on a sunny bank holiday weekend. Take a short walk away from the entrance or visitor attraction, and there is always a space that isn’t peopley, where you can breathe out and explore the forest in the way that suits you. Want to lie flat out under a tree? Want to run your fingers over the rough bark? Nobody minds as long as you aren’t disturbing what is already there.

As a career, forestry might not be the first thought of many people, but it is a superb opportunity for people to build a job where they can be valued for what they can do. So many of the young people we support tell us that mainstream education was challenging for them. They struggled with showing their potential while sitting down on a hard chair in a room with 30 other people for five days a week. It is relatively rare to be with 30 other people in a forestry team and certainly not in a workplace with 1,000 other people, all bustling about in the same space. You’re generally in a small team or sometimes alone, working in remote areas. The desire to be active becomes an asset, not a liability, when you have hundreds of trees to plant across an area of land where a new forest is being created to tackle the effects of climate change. A brain that seeks constant variation can thrive when your workplace covers hundreds of square miles, and each day brings a new site with new challenges and things to discover. Verbal communication is not essential if you’re in a position where you work alone for significant portions of time. When you do need to communicate, it’s generally within your small team and in person, not with an endless flow of customers or members of the public.

If you don’t feel that you fit in the space you currently find yourself in or are looking for a space you can unmask, try visiting a local forest and see.

So, no masks are needed in the forest – except when using a chainsaw!!

Becky Wilkinson is part of a neurodivergent family, and Learning and Outreach Manager for the Royal Forestry Society. A former secondary school teacher, she now talks to people of all ages about forestry careers as well as supporting young people on taking their first steps into the sector.

Connect and find out more here.

Knight defending a castle

Defending boundaries: When RSD (Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria) turns up!

Struggling with boundaries is a reality for many of us, especially as we try to make life better in a world where it’s not always clear how other people perceive us. But with RSD (Retention Sensitivity Dysphoria), it can be even more challenging.

Why our boundaries fall

Our boundaries fall because we don’t put limits in place to defend them and reset when life goes wrong. Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD) is one of the traits that can be dangerous to our boundaries. This turns up with other neurodivergent conditions like ADHD, but it’s also present for all of us in some ways, unless your behaviour looks psychopathic (sorry, Donald Trump).

I’ve seen rejection sensitivity make individuals highly sensitive to the possibility of rejection, meaning they take on tasks that don’t serve them. They want to accommodate the needs of others. This can be incredibly debilitating, and as a result, individuals make poor decisions that don’t serve them well.

Have you planned your schedule by deciding what’s important to you and then changed your plans as you believe it will affect how others perceive you? For example, you might have agreed to write a book and set aside time for it, but you often end up giving that time to other work as you think it’s important to another person. This happens because of your inaccurate perception of what other people think of you.

Sometimes, you can isolate yourself to prevent RSD, so you stop collaborating with the right people. These people will hold you accountable for what you have agreed with yourself. This can sabotage the structure that helps you thrive. There’s incredible power in ‘us’, collaboration and accountability.

Why partnership is important with RSD

The key is a good partnership, where you consciously ask for constructive feedback. If feedback hasn’t been given helpfully, it can shut off that channel, which breaks down the opportunity to partner and puts boundaries in danger. There can be feelings of misunderstanding and a feeling like you don’t fit in. I worked with someone who explained that they felt like an alien when they were at school. They described knowing the answer but often unable to articulate it, which meant they didn’t fully participate. Understanding these feelings of not fitting in is essential, or you can judge yourself too harshly and have an overly negative and inaccurate view of yourself. This can often be useful to explore during a coaching conversation.

How does this turn up?

For instance, there are times when people feel hesitant to share their thoughts because they fear they might sound foolish. This can lead to missed opportunities and frustration at work. It’s crucial to recognise and address this issue by creating organisations that encourage people to bring their best and most effective selves to work.

Self-esteem can play a crucial role, too. How can you defend your boundaries if you don’t love yourself? This is a powerful idea as it might be a hindrance if you define your significance by other people’s approval. Anything that damages that approval can take you to a difficult place.

Is getting to know new people difficult as you define yourself by others’ thoughts about you? In an ideal world, people’s opinions should be their business, not yours, but this can feel like a wrestling match; worrying about what others think can mean you are less of yourself.

For some individuals, this turns up by playing back every conversation and social interaction, going over what’s been said, analysing what went wrong, what the other person thought, and how your words landed.

Have you ever spent time worrying about your conversations and not allowing the communication to sit? This behaviour can often put a lot of pressure on you and ultimately put you in a position where you cannot move forward.

How to start to move the needle on RSD

Helping change your perspective on this can be helpful, and there are various tools you can put in place to support you or anyone in your team to move forward. For example, when in negotiations or trying to understand how best to work with someone, individuals can give up their boundaries entirely because they are more concerned if they’ll be liked, often sacrificing doing what’s best for both parties.

One of my favourite quotes is by Nelson Mandela: “Do not judge me by my success; judge me by how many times I fell and got back up again.” How will you respond when boundaries fail? Will you run from them, or will you return and rebuild them?

Maintaining boundaries with RSD

You can maintain your boundaries and handle RSD by using strategies and being accountable for your actions. Start by having a conversation with yourself about recent events, identify which boundaries were crossed, and figure out how to adjust them moving forward. Establish accountability structures to stay aware of the situation and take actions that benefit you. Remember, you can’t change the past or others’ actions, but you always have the power to choose your next steps.

I’ve been reading Rise by Siya Kolisi (South African Rugby Captain, 2x World Cup winner), and he said, “I’m at the point in my life now where I don’t care what other people think.” This doesn’t make him any less caring; it just means that he focuses on what he can achieve, which is an excellent way of thinking about life.

Think about…

What will you do to maintain and defend your boundaries today?

What are your next steps?

At The Neurodivergent Coach, we specialise in supporting individuals to build effective boundaries and defend them well. If you’d like a conversation, please get in contact.

When you are ready, here are 3 ways we can connect:

RS200 Group B rally car in white with rally lights

Busy Brain and neurodiversity

My busy brain! (The crazy brain that never stops working and sometimes drives me up the wall!)

One of my favourite cars is the Ford RS200, based very loosely on the Ford Sierra. It is an insane Group B rally version of the Sierra, but I think the only things that were original Ford were the doors and possibly the bonnet. The engine in this car revs incredibly high, and its power-to-weight ratio means it has the type of acceleration you would typically see in a Formula One car. And this is how my brain feels sometimes, overpowered without enough traction to stay in a straight line. It looks like a standard car but nothing like an ordinary one under the bonnet.

Keeping my busy brain on the road

My brain often operates like an ideas machine, firing out many wonderful, interesting, far-out-there ways of thinking about a problem or situation.

It sometimes behaves in a way that feels like my mouth can’t keep up, nor can my memory, meaning that ideas are flowing, and I can’t always capture them. It’s incredibly frustrating. I find I get loads of ideas and get inspired, which can take me off on all sorts of tangents. This can be both useful and incredibly tricky to manage. I’m particularly aware that when I’m communicating with others, if my brain starts to rev up, I can lose them and, as a result, have frustrating communications.

Driving in the suitable environments

When I feel safe and listened to, I can operate far better than when I feel threatened or unsure about what is happening. Also, how well I’m operating for the rest of my life and how well I’ve been looking after myself make a massive difference in how my brain works. For example, this busy brain can go into busy catastrophising if I’m having a tough time! So rather like the RS200, I risk blowing it up if I don’t look after it properly.

Keeping things ticking over

Keeping fit and healthy has become essential to managing my mental health, particularly my brain activity. I’ve noticed that when I exercise regularly, my brain operates far more effectively. This means I don’t tend to get overstressed and can also compartmentalise life more effectively. It’s almost like I need to go and burn some fuel to help support a healthy outlook.

Garage time matters

Sleep is essential for all of us, but more important for some. I’ve noticed that my mind is a complete mess when I don’t get enough sleep. I find it difficult to concentrate, can become easily distracted and ultimately waste a lot of time, so having a good sleep pattern means that my busy brain tends to cope more effectively and think more concisely about what I’m doing.

Knowing when you’ve hit the red line with the busy brain

Overwhelm is a reality we all experience, but particularly for me, I’m not always conscious when it’s happening. It will sometimes creep up on me and debilitate me to the point where I’m no longer racing; I’m barely crawling and unable to think or move forwards effectively. Simply put, the best solution is to pause and take a significant break. This means typically putting on my running shoes, contacting a friend and going for a long run. Once I’ve done this, I can generally return and effectively continue moving forward.

Capturing the magic

As I mentioned, my brain often throws out many ideas rapidly, and my biggest frustration is that my short-term memory can’t hold on to many ideas. This means that I get very, very frustrated in missing ideas and rethinking them at a later stage. I then recognised that I already had the thought but had forgotten it. I use Evernote to help me manage this effectively, as it allows me to dictate ideas straight into my phone and file them away. There are many tools you can use, and this is only one of them, but I like Evernote for the following reasons:

  • It’s platform-independent – it doesn’t matter if I change my phone or use my computer; it works everywhere.
  • It allows me to dictate –I can get my ideas out of my head quickly and efficiently.
  • It’s organised – Evernote will enable me to collect and reorganise my notes rapidly, meaning I don’t lose ideas, and I can formulate them in the right place quickly.
  • I can add images – I often think in pictures and get inspired by things I see, so photographing objects or situations and organising them with my thoughts enables me to capture this effectively.

When I am most busy

I find my brain working most effectively in the morning, in the shower, when I’m out on a run or exercising. I’ve noticed that to get the most out of what I’m doing; I need to remove all other distractions and be somewhere different.

How do I get my brain to tick over

Quietening my brain down can be tricky. As I’ve mentioned, exercise can be helpful, but sometimes not even that does the job. Verbalising my thoughts is effective, as when they are stuck in my head, they often whirl around continuously. I do not understand their importance or priority so I can be completely overwhelmed by something unimportant. I also find it helpful to have a structured routine to go to sleep and have time to wind down.

My wind-down routine looks like the following:

  • Screens off (no screens in the bedroom).
  • Get a drink of water.
  • Shower and go to the toilet.
  • Practice crow pose, crane pose, double arm lever and squat (I can give more details on this if you’re interested).
  • Turn the lights down.
  • Make sure the blackout blind is down.
  • Get into bed.
  • Read for 15 minutes.
  • Lights off.

If you would like to discuss managing your busy brain and some of the challenges and ideas I’ve written in this blog, please get in contact.

Warning: These processes have worked for me, and that doesn’t mean they will work for you. It would be best if you approached how you manage your neurodiverse traits like a project. You must try ideas out, keep the solutions that work and get rid of the ideas that don’t. There’s no harm in testing, but don’t throw away a process until you have something better to replace it with.

 

Person Reading - The Medici effect book review

The Medici effect book review

The name ‘The Medici effect’ is taken from the ‘The House of Medici’ an Italian banking and political family that funded and supported innovations in art, finance, and music. These innovations included ideas ranging from double-entry bookkeeping, Opera to the piano.

What jumped out to me was:

This is an important book that explores why we need to look at the intersections between different siloed disciplines to see breakthroughs. The book goes on to help us explore how looking at the same problem from various places gives new insight and discovery.

I also really enjoyed the way the author brought to light why diversity is essential in this process, as diverse thinkers bring not only themselves to the problem but also their network of contacts and relationships.

There is also some wonderful thinking about the quantity and quality of ideas. My key takeaway is that it’s important to have a good quantity of ideas so you can pick the quality ones. This type of thinking has been used by many successful characters including Alexander Graham Bell and Richard Branson.

Operating at the intersection as the author describes it is a fantastic place though slightly scary at times. What it gives you is the opportunity to create innovative ideas and new spaces with the threshold for success often lower because no one else is operating there.

Think about it, if you want to become the very best in your field you have to compete with everyone who has gone before you and everyone who is trying to do it now. If you want to achieve something at the intersection you may be the only person or team in that field so your bar to success is far lower.

I believe neurodivergent individuals naturally gravitate towards the intersection of different fields and ideas.

Why read this book?

It’s insightful, engaging, has been a bestseller for a number of years and has been included in many academic programs. If you take on board what is written it will change your attitude to innovation and potentially increase your opportunity for success.

This is my take on The Medici Effect. It would be great to hear your thoughts.

diversity is being invited to the dance

Neurodiversity – Is being invited to ‘The Party’

Paul Bright lived alone, and he wanted to plant his annual crop of runner beans in his veggie patch. He was getting old and finding it very difficult to work the patch. His only son John used to help him, but he was behind bars doing 10 years in Broadmoor maximum security prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described what was going on: “Dear John, it looks like I won’t be able to get my runner beans in this year. I’m getting far too old to dig the ground. I know if you were here you would help me. I know you would be happy to dig the ground, just like in the old days. Love you, dad.” A few days later the old man received this from his son: “Dear Dad, don’t dig up the allotment! That’s where the bodies are buried. Love John.” At 2 AM the next morning, officers from Northampton’s murder investigation unit arrived and dug up the entire back garden without finding any bodies. They apologised to the old man and left. The same day the old man received another letter from his son, “Dear Dad, you can get on with planting the beans now. That was the best I could do under the circumstances. All my love, John.”

 “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” Albert Einstein

Although John met his dad’s needs in an unorthodox way, I do think this story illustrates the fact that we need to approach individual situations differently. We must think outside the box with diversity as ironically neurodiversity is all about thinking differently and embracing unique styles and ways of doing stuff.

To do this well there must be an invitation for people to be their most effective at work.

So where does diversity start?

Diversity starts with how we greet people into our organisations and make it okay for them to ask for adjustments. This is more than just window dressing, it is about making it part of our culture that it is okay to ask for what we need. To ensure that each person is treated as an individual this process always needs to start with a conversation.

With neurodiversity and other hidden disabilities, individuals may have a history that means they are uncomfortable about sharing what they need. They may take some convincing that it is safe to do so within the organisation they’re working in. This could be due to several reasons including bullying, earlier work cultures or the fact that when they’ve asked for support before it has been refused or made so difficult that they don’t want to engage in the process again. There is also the possibility that an individual may not be aware that there is anything wrong until something changes in their work environment that highlights the difficulty.

What is key in all of this is the invitation for support and that the organisation including colleagues, managers and support functions is actively looking to support individuals to show and celebrate the power of neurodiversity.

Coming back to the conversation, diversity starts with asking questions about the following areas:

  • What do they think they need to bet their best at work?
  • What have they found helpful or would like to try?
  • What has worked well for them previously?
  • What makes things more difficult at work?
  • Who do they need to talk to to make these discussions effective?

What is also important to consider is the role and work environment. Think about things like:

  • What aspects of the role may be more challenging for them than others?
  • What could be done to overcome these challenges?
  • What environmental changes could be helpful to support work routines.

This is of course just the starting point and should be used to get the conversation going. The diversity conversation is built around trust and best intentions. Without this, it is all a waste of time, we need to want people to be their very best and most effective at work. If people feel threatened or endangered, they are unlikely to perform at their best and be unwilling to discuss this topic.

If you have not already, I would encourage you to start having these kinds of conversations in your organisation.

If you need help with this?

Please get in contact.

Find out how this links with my blog about Equality.